Final Fantasy X Interviews
by mirrors of illusion
Summary: You ask, they answer, the works. Today, we have the one and only man of smex, Auron! R&R as usual.
1. Prolouge

**Final Fantasy X Interviews**

**Disclaimer: Do you think I'd be writing fanfics like this???**

**Ok, people, like it says above, this will be a FFX interview fanfic. You send in the questions, and I, Mirage, will get to ask them. The first person we will ask is Wakka! Why? Cause I said so. Send in the questions, and then at the end, vote for the next character you want interviewed.**

**Rules: **

**1. You can only vote once a chapter. (This right, I'm pulling that crap on you)**

**2. Ask at least one question or more about the character. Doesn't have to be appropriate. Make it funny, make it dramatic. Anything that will liven up the show!**

**3. I will update once every two weeks. So send in your questions before the end of the two weeks.**

**4. If there's a tie between votes, I'll choose the one voted first.**

**See? Simple.**

**So here's the deal: I'll be hosting the show from next chapter on depending on how safe and reckless the characters is. I'll only update if I get at least 5 questions after the 2 weeks for the person I'll be interviewing. These first eight or nine characters voted will be the main ones, but after that, I'll either stop, or interview the sub-characters like Seymour or even the aeons. And if I wanna ask, I will. Got it? So, what are you waiting for? Ask and vote on any character you wanna see questioned. Until next chapter, with Wakka! See ya later! Don't forget to ask about Wakka!**


	2. Wakka's Interview

**Chapter 1: Interviewing Wakka (yay!)**

**Disclaimer: Not in this world.**

A 13 year old girl (me) sit in her super cool chair and across her is a super awesome couch. She smiles at the audience.

Mirage: Hello and welcome to the first episode of FFX interviews! I'm Mirage and today, I'll be interviewing Wakka!!! Once he gets over here. Ok, while we wait, I better explain this show. You send in the questions, you vote for the next person interviewed. I ask the questions and then at the end of the show, there will be three callers from the FFX cast. They will be allowed to talk with the person interviewed and/or me if they feel like it. The show will last as long as there are questions to ask. Got it? Good. (takes out walkie talkie) Is Wakka here yet? No? Crud.

Random person in the audience:Are we allowed to throw things at you?

Mirage: Sadly, yes. Oh, look who's here! You're late, Wakka.

Wakka: Hey, man, cool it! It was the traffic, ya?

Wakka sits on the couch.

Mirage: I thought you hated machina.

Wakka: …And? I thought you said you were 13! You're 15!

Mirage: Well, my long black hair tends to make me older. But I'm short too short to be 15! Anyways are you ready for yours questions or not?

Wakka: Ya, I guess.

Mirage:Ok then, (pulls out index cards) first person. MsAppleJuice asks how do you keep your hair up 24/7?

Wakka: It's a secret.

Mirage: Audience? You're allowed to throw things at the person if they don't answer the questions.

Audience: (evil grin)

Wakka: Ok, ok! I stole the hairspray from Tidus. It really works, ya?

Mirage: …I guess…so… (Shift eyes)

Wakka: Next question.

Mirage: This is from Aikido-Kasshin-Ryu-San. Why do you hate the Al Bhed?

Wakka: Because those goddamn lunatics killed my brother!

Mirage: But they didn't actually kill…

Wakka: And let's not forget they kidnapped Yuna! Because of that, I nearly lost the game!

Mirage: Ok, calm down!

Wakka: And they're the reason why Sin came in the first place!

Mirage: No, it was born in the hatred of Yevon!

Wakka: Whose said are you on?!

Mirage: Mine!

Wakka: Oh. And they caused the Operation Mi'ihen massacre!

Mirage: They did?

Wakka: I don't know.

Mirage: … Next question, final frost bite fantasy asks if your hair is natural? An-

Wakka: Is there something wrong with having orange hair?

Mirage: Let me finish the question! And if isn't, what makes it stand up so high?

Wakka: (takes out a bottle of hairspray) this is Zanarkand's hairspray. It guarantees that you're hair stands up 24/7, like it says right here!

Mirage: And you said that you stole it from Tidus.

Wakka: Ya, when we were in Besaid, right before the priest and I went to check on Yuna, Tidus happened to have the bottle sticking out of his pants and he was sleeping so…

Mirage: But before you saw that, your hair was still sticking up like that. Right?

Wakka: Oh yeah, about ten years ago, before Lord Braska left, I visited Bevelle with Lu. I saw Sir Jecht with the same bottle. So while they Lord Braska and Sir Auron weren't looking…

Mirage: I guess I better hide my hairspray before you find it. Ok, dark and light samurai asks you why you fight with only a blitzball and not other weapons.

Wakka: I don't what happened to my other one!

Mirage: Say no more, I have a clip on what happened!

Wakka: What cli-

Mirage: (Ignores and does some weird magic thingy to turn off the lights and the clip begins to play.)

The camera zooms in from behind the bushes. Wakka sleeps soundly in his hut. Jecht sneaks and searches for something around Wakka's table and finds a sword.

Jecht: Guess he won't need this anymore! (picks up the sword and starts to sneak off)

Jecht started sprinting when he heard Wakka talking…in his sleep.

Wakka: NO! Lulu…don't reject me! Was it because I told you your boobs are huge? Wait! Was it because…I stole the voodoo doll? Wait! Lu! Don't leave me!!!

Jecht: Pathetic. (runs away, laughing)

End clip.

Wakka: I knew it was him! That drunken bastard!

Mirage: That nice, ok their other question is does your hair ever get in the way when fighting or anything like that?

Wakka: …ya…sometimes…(shifty eyes)

Mirage: CLIP! (lights turn off again and clip begins)

Wakka: Ok, this is your first battle! Oh, lookie, (points at the wolf) kill it!

Tidus kills the wolf. A bird comes.

Wakka: Hey, my kind of customer! Night night birdie. (evil grin)

Before he throws the ball, the bird flies at him, attacking his hair.

Wakka: AH! Shoo! Shoo, birdie! (waves at the bird)

Tidus backs up and hides in the bush.

Tidus: I better run before the crazy bird attacks me. (looks at the camera) Who are you?

???: No one. (runs to the other bushes and continues recording the attack of the bird)

Wakka: AHHH!!! (Runs in circles)

10 minutes later…

The pecking bird's now fried chicken after Lulu's heroic rescue.

Lulu: You're lucky I was here.

We see Lulu standing next to Tidus, who staring at her boobs, apparently.

Lulu: (catches Tidus' goggling eyes) Get over yourself, freak.

Wakka: MY HAIR!

Tidus: Chill Wakka! I have a hairspray that will fix it! (digs in pocket) Oh, crap. Where did it go?

Wakka: The humanity!!! (completely forget that he stole it) sob sob

Lulu: Sigh…

The camera zoom in on Lulu's boobs.

Mirage: You pervert! Edit that out! (whacks the cameraman)

???: Sorry. (zooms out)

Tidus: Why do I have a feeling that we're being watched?

Lulu: Hold on, give me a sec. (casts thunder on Mirage)

Mirage: Ow!

Tidus: There they are! (points at the bushes)

Mirage: Crud. RUNN!!!!

Yuna: What's going on? Wakka, what happened to your hair?

Wakka: …

End clip

Wakka: …So? That bird was dangerous in every way and shouldn't be messed with, ya?

Mirage: cough-right-cough.

Wakka: …?

Mirage: Did Lu have any problems with it at all? Wait, don't answer. We have a clip here.

Wakka: What?

Clip begins…

Wakka's snoring soundly in his cozy hut. Lulu and Tidus comes in with scissors.

Tidus: Lulu, are you sure you wanna do this?

Lulu: Yes, because if I don't then he'll keep proposing until I say yes.

Tidus: Why don't you?

Lulu: Are you in this or not?

Tidus: Sure.

Lulu: (leans over to see if Wakka's sleeping)

The camera zooms in on her chest.

Mirage: You idiot, edit that part out! (whacks camera dude)

???: Fine! (zooms out)

Tidus: Here, you cut first. (gives Lulu the scissors)

Lulu: Hey, I thought you loved me! (Give Tidus the scissors)

Tidus: True, true, but uh…

Lulu: I'll take responsibility.

Tidus: OK, then!

Tidus starts to snip his annoying hair…

Lulu: Hey, someone's coming!

Tidus: Crap! It's my old man! Hide!

And they hide in Wakka's closet. Jecht comes in…

Jecht: Damn that Auron! Stealing my weapon like that! No respect for the Zanarkand people, eh? Racist.

Tidus: (thinking) What the hell is he talking about? Is the talking about the sword that I stole from his room? Oh well.

Lulu: Is he gonna leave? Here, I'll even throw a random sword out! (grabs a sword from his closet and tosses it on the open.

Jecht: (sees the word, jacks it and runs off)

Wakka: NO! Lulu…don't reject me! Was it because I told you your boobs are huge? Wait? Was it because…I stole the voodoo doll? Wait! Lu! Don't leave me!!!

Tidus: …is that Wakka talking in his sleep?

Lulu: I knew he stole it! Oh no. Now I kinda feel bad for setting a snake in Yuna's room.

Tidus: I think my old man's gone so…ow! Lulu, you stepped on me!

Lulu: Sorry.

Tidus slips on something and falls on Lulu's chest.

Tidus: Thank god! Your breasts saved me!

Lulu glares at Tidus in a very dark way…

Tidus: Lu? Something wrong? (gets shocked by thunder) ow…

Lulu: I give up!

Lulu gets out of the closet leaving Tidus into crisp.

Clip ends

Wakka: So that's why I found him in my room.

Mirage: Idiot. Ok, Kurissyma san Tybalt asks, are you in love with Lulu?

Wakka: Wha-? Hey, I'm no good at these questions, ya?

Mirage: So you don't?

Wakka: That's not what I said!

Mirage: Then what did you say?

Wakka: I can't say the 'L' word…

Mirage: Why not?

Wakka: I should've seen this question coming.

Mirage: Just say that you love her. It's that easy.

Wakka: No, it isn't.

Mirage: Yes it is,.

Wakka: Nu-uh.

Mirage: Uh-huh.

Wakka: Nu-uh.

Mirage: Just answer the damn question!

Wakka: I like her.

Mirage: Now.

Wakka: Never!

Mirage: Why?

Wakka: I'm just not a lovey-dovey guy!

Mirage: Uh-huh.

Wakka: Really!

Mirage: Audience?

The audience raised their empty soda cans, preparing to thrust at that non-lovey-dovey man.

Wakka: Ok, ok! I love…I'm no good at these things, ya!

Mirage: I have a hairspray available in my dressing room!

Wakka: No thanks, I have my own.

Mirage: Right…Audience, throw anytime you want.

The audience tossed their cans at Wakka. Wakka dodges all of them and then hid behind the chair. Eventually, the audience had no more soda cans to throw at, and I soon became a soda can victim as well.

Wakka: Hah! Now you can't make me talk!

Mirage: Darn. This isn't the end, you know!

Wakka: I was afraid of that.

Mirage: Ok, the phone lines are now open!

First call…

Lulu: Hello. Is this Mirage's FFX interviews?

Mirage: Yes, it is!

Lulu: I wanna talk to Wakka.

Mirage: It's for you! Oh heck, I'll just put this on speakers.

Wakka: Lu?

Lulu: Yes…it's…me...you…idiot. I won't…be cooking…tonight. Vindina's already ate and-

Wakka: Bye, Lu. (hangs up)

Mirage: What th- _I_ do that!

Wakka: Meh. (shrugs)

2nd call…

Tidus: Is this-?

Mirage: FFX interview? Yep!

Tidus: Oh! Hello, Mirage! You're cute!

Mirage: Really?

Tidus: No.

Mirage: You won't be interviewed for a LONG time.

Tidus: Anyways, Wakka? I knew you stole my hairspray! Because of that, my hair got all droopy and crap!

Wakka: And? Whacha gonna do about it? And besides, I wouldn't be using a blitzball if it weren't for you!

Tidus: Just watch. Your days are numbered.

Jecht: Hey kid? Are you talking to that one weird show?

Tidus: Yeah.

Jecht: Oh. Give me the phone! Oh, wait. Don't cry.

Tidus: I'm not crying for crying out loud!

Jecht: Whatever. Give me it.

Tidus: Fine.

Jecht: Wakka? I knew you were a runt. I totally knew you stole it.

Wakka: Hey, I'm not going 1000 years into the past to get it!

Jecht: But that was our last one!

Mirage: Next one! I hate family crisis.

3rd call…

Chappu: Is this Wakka?

Wakka: Yeah. Wait. Chappu?

Chuppu: Yeah!

Wakka: Oh. What's up brudda?

Chappu: Oh, I want to say…you pathetic! And to think! I looked up to you!

Wakka: I'm not pathetic! You're in the Farplane anyways!

Chappu: Oh, we finally have phone services over here.

Wakka: Oh, really?

Chappu: Yep!

Wakka: I'm not pathetic! At least I'm the one who married Lulu!

Chappu: At least I'm not the one who in super doo-doo when I come home!

Wakka: Oh no, I gotta get home!

Chappu: Took you a while.

Mirage: And that all the time we have today! Finally! Well, I have to go and coughrecordwhathappenswhenWakkacomeshomecoughcough. So, see ya! Next up, our dear Rikku!

Wakka: What?

Mirage: Nothing.

**Epilogue…this is how much doo-doo Wakka's in when he came home.**

Wakka comes in and Vidina's watching TV and sipping soda.

Wakka: Hey, Vindina, where's Mommy?

Vidina: She's not here.

Wakka: Oh. Where is she?

Vindina: Out.

Wakka: Where?

Vindina: She said she's going out with Ti-ti-tidus to the movies. That's how you say it, right?

Wakka: Tidus?! OMG!!! Why the hell did she do that?!

Vidina: I don't know. Right as soon as the show was over, she called Tidus. She sounded pretty darned pissed, too.

Wakka: That's not good.

Vidina: Meh. (Turns the channel)

Wakka: Aw, I'm screwed!

Wakka rummages through the refrigerator. He grabs leftover. He turns around. Lulu enters.

Lulu: Bye Tidus, honey.

Wakka: What…in…Spira?

Lulu: Oh, hello, Wakka.

Wakka: Hey, hey, what was that about?!

Lulu: Oh. That? I wanted to talk with some one about how I feel about you at the moment.

Wakka: Oh, ok. What's for dinner?

Lulu: You're holding leftovers.

Wakka: Oh. You're right. I am. (realizes that his holding it) Oh, well. I'm gonna play bliztball with the Aurochs.

Lulu: Wakka.

Wakka: Oh. I guess you're mad about the show. But I needed the voodoo doll! I wanted to curse the Luca Goers!

Lulu: No, you buffoon! It's not about that! You said you hated me! In front of NATIONAL TELEVISION!

She crosses her arms, which of course made her chest fuller. The camera zooms in once again…

Mirage: You idiot! (whacks him in the head) If you do that one more time…

???: Grumble…(zooms out)

Wakka: I never said I hated you!

Lulu: I don't care! You're going back to that weird girl and say that you love me!

Wakka: But-!

Lulu: I have both of your hairsprays you know.

Wakka: Fine, I'll go.

Lulu: You don't have to go though. That weird girl's already here!

Mirage: (from the window) No, I'm not! And I'm not weird!

Wakka: Get out of my property!

Mirage: Never! Auron, keep recording.

Auron: Don't say my name!

Mirage: Too late. Wakka! I'm not leaving until I hear how you feel about her!

Wakka: I have my blitzball…

Mirage: Never mind. Auron, we're leaving!

Auron: Don't tell me what to do woman!

Mirage: I have sake in the Getaway car now let's go!

Auron: Coming!

Lulu: Oh, no you don't!

Lulu strikes lightning in front of Mirage. She stood there, stunned.

Mirage: God, this is why I hate family problems.

Lulu: Sir Auron, you stay here too!

Mirage: …

Lulu: Say it.

Wakka: Ok, I like you.

Lulu casts Wakka's hair on fire.

Wakka: (Shouldn't be typed due to heavy cussing. But basically, he's screaming about his hair.)

Lulu: Now, Wakka. I guess I'll be seeing Tidus again.

Wakka: Ok, fine. I love you! Ok?! I love you!

Lulu: Who?

Wakka: I love Lulu! Now put the ($#$$# fire out!!!

Lulu casts water on Wakka. She leaves the room, leaving Wakka soaking wet.

Wakka: Will ya edit this part out?

The camera moves up and down.

**End of clip**

**And that's the end of that chapter! For some who don't know, Vidina's Wakka's and Lulu's son. This chapter I guess kinda sucked. I'm sorry if I offended anyone for any reason. This looks pretty short when you read, but it's ten pages on Microsoft Word! Not that you care. Don't forget to review, and ask questions! Next up will be our all favorite Al Bhed, RIKKU!!!**


	3. Rikku's Interview

**FFX Interviews: Rikku**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even Auron. Shocking isn't it?**

Mirage: 'Sup and we're back with another shocking episode FFX Interviews. And this time, we will be interviewing Rikku!

Rikku: Hiya! Rikku here! And I do not like Tidus. If you ask me, I think he's a bastard after all he's done! Flirting with Lulu and Yuna. What about me?!

Mirage: But we didn't-

Rikku: And did you see the way he hit me back at the Moonflow? That big meanie! I wanna give him a piece of my mind!

Mirage: R-Rikku?

Rikku: And he—

Mirage: Rikku!

Rikku: Sorry. Oh yeah, I saw last episode. It was so horrible about what happened to Wakka.

Mirage: I know! Him getting pecked at the one bird!

Rikku: I mean him saying I love you to Lulu! That tubby!

Mirage: THAT WAS ON AIR?!

Rikku: Yep!

Mirage: Darn. So know you know who the camera dude is huh?

Rikku: (Nods) so, that's why Auron had so many spheres under his bed.

Mirage: Where?

Rikku: Ah, never mind! Now on with the questions shall we?

Mirage: Ookkay… alright then. On with the questions: 'goodwitch08' asks you, 'do you have a secret crush on Auron?'

Rikku: Ew! I hate that old bastard! He's all old and ewww! He's a big meanie! Eeekkkk!!!

Mirage: Jeez. All you had to say was no.

Rikku: Why does everyone think I like him anyways?

Mirage: Because of this clip I posted on the internet! (not literally)

Clip begin…

Auron: Mirage, you said to hide in the bushes for what reason?

Mirage: Just shut up and wait for something to happen.

And they did…

A few hours later…

Auron: I'm getting my sake after this, right?

Mirage: Yeah. Oh, look! What's Rikku doing in your hut?

Auron: Rikku?! Where?!

Instead of Rikku, he sees Lulu. He, yet again, zooms in on her chest. Mirage smacks him, yet again.

Mirage: Stay on Rikku, you fag!

Auron: Ok, ok. (zooms out on Lulu and zooms in into Rikku's chest)

Mirage: I give up! Just keep recording.

Mirage: Sigh…here we see Rikku going through Auron's things. It seems she looking for something…

Rikku: That old bastard. Taking my weapons like that. What have I done to him?!

Auron: What the—I didn't take anything! Damn it that was Wakka! Jecht stole his sword, and I told him to use the friggin' bliztball! How's he gonna use her weapon anyways?

Mirage: Shhh! Something's cool's about to happen!

Rikku: Auron has a diary?

Mirage: (looks at Auron) You? With a diary? What's Spira comin' to?

Auron: I don't not have a diary! It's called a journal!

Mirage: Right. Anyhow, keep recording.

Rikku: Alright…let's see…Dear Diary…

Mirage: Diary, right. I'll keep that in mind.

Auron: Shut up! I hope you die!

He smacks Mirage upside her head, really hard. Mirage gives him a really dark look.

Rikku: 'Tomorrow, I'm gonna be Yuna's guardian! I'm a bit nervous, so I'm gonna bring my lucky jug of sake with me!' Wow, ok…then…

Auron: …

Although he didn't say anything, you could hear him say "Rikku.Must.Die.I.Must.Stay.Calm."

Mirage: We should interview you soon.

Auron: I hate you.

Those three simple words actually mean "I hope you die a horrible death, Mirage."

Rikku: 'Lulu boobs are getting bigger each day. I should kill Wakka and steal her from him. Also, today, I met an Al Bhed, whose name is Rikku. She cute and all, but how much coffee did she have this morning?' That's so mean! FYI, I had 3 licorices this morning. And to think! I used to like the damn bastard! Ugh!

End clip

Rikku: Ok, I USED to like him! I don't like him now!

Mirage: Right. Um…yeah. The clip is from yesterday evening.

Rikku: What?!

Clip begins…

Rikku's walking home from 'digging' (FFX-2). Little does she know that Auron's hiding in the bushes, close behind her. And like almost always, Mirage's with him to make sure that he follows Rikku and not Lulu.

Rikku: Stupid Brother. It's always nya-nya-nya-nya! It's not my fault that Gippal stole the goddamn- (and the rest is followed by mutters and murmurs)

Rikku: Ok, enough about that shocking bastard. Why am I the last one to know about Yunie's and Tidus' little snuggle. Am I the last one who to know about that?!

Mirage: Hey! I didn't know that! Well, I didn't know until a few month's ago…but…

Auron: Shut up! Something cool's about to happen!

Mirage: Whatever…

Rikku: And who does that Tidus think he is?! Taking my Al Bhed Potion like that. I'll get revenge!!! Ok then, aside from those sucky events, I'm gonna interviewed! Yayyy! Lulu looks really pissed today. She even considered going out with Seymour! Serves him right. I can't believe Auron likes Lulu. It's just sad and funny. I need to get a diary. Like the one that Auron has! I should've stolen it when I had the chance. Yeah…I will! I wonder if he's gonna write down anymore.

Mirage: And the most creepy part about all this is the fact that she's talking to herself.

Auron: Quiet!

Rikku: I've been talking to myself for way too long. I definitely need a diary. I wonder if he talks to himself when he didn't have a diary…

Auron: Mental note to self: Kill Rikku

Mirage: Shh! She's about to say interesting!

Auron: Other mental note to self: Kill Mirage first and make sure it's more horrible and bloodier than Rikku.

Rikku: Well, until then, I'll just keep talking. Auron is so sexy! I wonder how it's like to be him…

Auron: Finally, someone who appreciates me!

Mirage: Shhh!

Rikku: One day, I'll kill Lulu and make sure that he loves me! Kill…

Mirage: Yep…and this is indeed a message to Lulu and Lulu fans everywhere.

Auron: Quiet! I wanna hear if she'll say anything else…

Mirage: Why didn't I hire Kimarhi?

Rikku: Sigh…I love him. Only if he started looking at me and not Lulu…

Auron: I'm gonna plan something. Hehe…

Mirage: Good luck on that.

End clip…

Mirage: Unfortunately, the stupid pyrflies ran out of energy so I couldn't record anything else.

Rikku: I stand corrected. (looks down at her feet)

Mirage: I suggest that you get a diary soon. And that you should lock your bedroom door.

Rikku: Yeah…lock…

Mirage: Ok, enough of that. Next question: Are you a nudist? If not, why are you always half naked?

Rikku: What?! What kinda questions is that?

Mirage: Is that a yes or a no?

Rikku: No!

Mirage: I'll take that as a yes.

Rikku: Ok, fine, I am! Happy?!

Mirage: Never mind that. Why are you a nudist?

Rikku: Well…

Begin Clip…

Rikku: I love Auron so much, I'm gonna be a nudist! So that he'll stop looking at Lulu.

End Clip…

Mirage: Sounds pretty obvious now.

Rikku: Yep! I wonder if it worked.

Mirage: Trust me. It worked.

Rikku: How wonderful! Next question!

Mirage: Her final question: Do you like cheese?

Rikku: Do I like what?

Mirage: Cheese.

Rikku: Um…ok…Cheese…I guess so.

Mirage: What kind?

Rikku: Swiss cheese!

Mirage: Whoa…ok. Me too!

Rikku: Cheddar tastes weird.

Mirage: I see what you mean…

Random fan: Just get on with the questions!

Mirage: Fine you bastard! Gosh. 'Dbrloveless' asks you, "If you do like Auron, and you do apparently, what makes him so appealing?

Rikku: He's sexy. You should know that by now. And he's the strong silent type. And everyone loves a strong, silent, sexy man.

Mirage: Is that the same for women?

Rikku: I don't know. I hear that some men favors for a mature, caring woman.

Mirage: Are you one of them?

Rikku: No, apparently. There's no way I'm maturing like this. Yunie's one of them for sure. So is Lulu.

Mirage: I see. What else?

Rikku: Annoying him is pretty fun.

Mirage: Clip!

Clip begins…

Auron and Rikku are sitting side by side at the dinner table with everyone else for a dinner party. Obviously, I, pissed-off Mirage, am spy-I mean watching this interesting event…from the back window.

Mirage: I'm gonna get back at him. Stealing my private films like that. Watch out, Auron. Hehe. Oh, look! There's Auron and Rikku; I could use this as blackmail.

Lulu: Sir Auron, what are you doing?

Auron: Nothing. (looks away from her you-know-what/where)

Tidus: Everyone, I have good news! But you have to wait until a couple people comes over.

Rikku: Who? Everyone's here!

Kimahri: Kimahri don't like this.

Yuna: Don't worry! I'm sure it won't be someone who's a bastard.

: Sorry, I'm late Lady Yuna.

Wakka: Is that…Maester Seymour?

Auron: You can't be serious.

Rikku: Aaaawwwww! Yunie!

Yuna: Hey, I didn't invite him!

Lulu: Oh God, him?

Kimahri: Kimarhi should have known. Kimarhi better leave now.

Mirage: Seymour?! I better not let him see me…or else…

Tidus: Yep, it's him!

Rikku: Why the hell did you invite him?!

Auron: Yuna, get the door.

Lulu: Why?

Auron: So that I could kick him out again.

Yuna: Yessir!

Yuna opens the door to see none other than Seymour! He was dressed in his usual clothes. He greets Yuna with a super cheesy smile.

Seymour: Hello, Lady Yuna. It's an honor to meet you again.

Yuna: Hello Lord Seymour. I heard that you proposed to another Guado and then got rejected, no?

Seymour: Excuse me? Who's been spreading such rumors?

The dinner table grew silent. Kimarhi's already given up ditching the party and Auron had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing.

Mirage: Muahaha. That's what you get for stealing the spheres of Yuna and Tidus making out. I could've used them for Tidus' interview. This is total blackmail for Seymour. Shame.

Seymour: Fine. I hope you all burn in the Farplane.

Tidus: Hey Seymour. Please sit between Auron and Rikku.

Auron and Rikku: What?!

Lulu: Thank God. Now he can stop looking at me.

Seymour: Certainly, son of Jecht.

And he did.

Mirage: This is so cool! Great for blackmail!

And it was.

Seymour: Sir Auron, why are you looking at me like that?

Auron: Shut up and move so that I could look at Rikku.

Tidus: So who did you invite Yuna?

Yuna: I invited—well I think you and your father should get along more so—Tidus?

Wakka: It looks like he fainted, ya? Looks pretty shocked.

???: Open up, boy! Stop fainting like a girl and open the door!

Of course, Tidus has no intentions of getting up and welcoming his old man in. He rather just laid there like dead weight. Yuna giggled and opened the door for the man who once tortured Tidus.

Jecht: 'Sup Yuna! Looking prettier each day, eh? If I were 10-20 years younger, I would cheat on my wife!

Tidus' body twitched after hearing the words 'Prettier' and 'Cheating on my wife'. Before he or anyone else realized it, or even poor Mirage, who was beginning to freeze up in the cold weather, Tidus got up and tackles Jecht to the floor. He started choking him.

Tidus: Lay your hands of my wife!

Lulu: Oh, so you two are gonna get married?

Yuna: Yes.

Seymour: Then why did you invite me?

Tidus stood up, brushed the dust off his clothes, and sat down on his chair next to Yuna's as if nothing ever happened.

Tidus: I invited you to see what your reaction is about our engagement. So then, what do you think?

Seymour: I think I should've stayed on the Farplane.

Yuna: And Sir Jecht, what do you think?

Jecht: I think I should've stayed in the Farplane, too. Even with that bastard there.

Seymour: Excuse me?

Yuna: We haven't planned the wedding, yet. So I was hoping that you all would help me.

Tidus: What?! No! My old man isn't going to the wedding and that's that!

Yuna: But--!

And they all started arguing on whether or not Jecht and Seymour should go, and they started talking about Lulu's and Wakka's marriage issues. For another couple of hours, they started to bring up random subjects such as Auron's now revealed obsession with women, Rikku's issues with nudity, as well as Auron decision to kill Mirage.

Mirage: This could be pretty useful for blackmail. Good thing I have extra spheres. Oh crap! Where'd they go?

Kimarhi have successfully snuck out of the corrupted dinner party and caught Mirage taping. He was pretty bored outside and decided to conveniently steal all the spheres. Maybe I _would_ be better off with Auron.

Mirage: _Sigh…the only spheres I have is this one and the one I taped earlier. And I was gonna give it to Auron to see how much snooping Rikku's been doing. Ah, oh well._

Auron: This is getting out of hand. I'm leaving now.

Rikku: And I'm right behind, ya!

Auron: Wha-

Rikku: Ok, let's go play Soul Calibur 3! I call Talim!

Before Auron knew what hit him, Rikku started dragging Auron upstairs.

After about 10 minutes of Rikku kicking ass, she got bored and forced Auron to play Tekken 5.

Auron: God Rikku, can I go now?

Rikku: Why? You can't handle Xiaoyu? I never said to go easy on me.

Auron: I WASN'T.

Rikku: Whatever. Hey, do you think we're being watched?

Auron grinned.

Auron: Only one way to find out.

Of course, he knew Mirage better than…anyone. And Auron knew very well where she's hiding.

Auron: Hey, Rikku. Wanna make out?

Rikku: What? Really? After all those things I wrote in your diary?

Auron: What things?

Rikku: Never mind.

Auron whispers something in her ear. Rikku gasped and was pretty darn shocked, but she agreed. Moments later they started _pretending_ to make out. Pretend or not, it was too much for dear Mirage and she…was forced to abort her duties as sub-camera person. Can't blame her though. She's only 13.

Mirage: Damn.damn.damn.damn.damn! I'll get revenge later.

Rikku: Hey, now that she gone can we really make out?

Auron: No.

Rikku: Please?

Auron: No.

Rikku: Please?

Auron: No.

And this took quite a while, so I'll just keep taping in secret.

10 minutes later…

Auron: No, Rikku, I'm leaving you! You piss me off!

And he walks out the door.

Rikku: Did you get it?

Mirage: Yep!

Rikku: And that folks was me pissing Auron off.

Mirage: Caution: Never try this at home unless you are 100 positively supervised or you know how to dodge his sword. I don't, but I'll try it anyways. One day…

Clip ends…

Mirage: That was long. It felt like I haven't talked for a long time. 

Random Guy: What are you talking about?! You wouldn't keep your mouth shut and entire time!

Mirage: Sigh, whatever. Oh yeah, that warning I gave you was serious. I would tell you what happened that day when I pissed him off really badly, but I'll just save it for Auron's interview. Ok, moving on…next question: At the thunder plains, you acted like you were possessed when you crawled on the ground towards Tidus. When did you learn to crawl like that?

Rikku: Well…

Mirage: Please, no more flashbacks and clips.

Rikku: Hah, too late!

And the flashback starts yet again…

Rikku: Ah! Help! Brother! I'm being attacked by a large water fiend!

Brother: Wait! Let me strike magic on you for stealing my PS3!

Rikku: Say what?!

Brother: Nothing!

Casts thunder on poor Rikku.

Rikku: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Brother: (with great and obvious sarcasm) Whoops.

He leaves poor thunder shocked Rikku on the Bikanel Shore.

A few moments later, Rikku sat of the shore wringing her blonde hair and cursing at Brother at the same time. Suddenly, a huge shadow casted on Rikku. Rikku looks up.

Rikku: Oh.My.Holy.Hell. (that made no sense at all) _Okay, spirit of crawling. Lend me your strength. I promise to not insult the roaches anymore._

And like magic, she started crawling away REALLY quickly. Even faster than a running chocobo.

End of flashback…

Rikku: See?

Mirage: I can't handle this show. Ok, next question: What do think of Tidus?

Rikku: He's okay. He's real pervert when it comes to Yuna.

Mirage: Wha-?

Rikku: I snuck into his diary one time and it said that he made out with Yunie 64 times.

Mirage: OMG.

Rikku: I know. He's nice to me, and I'm happy with that. He was the first person who called me a friend who's not an Al Bhed. He may be a blonde but still…

Mirage: Aren't you blonde?

Rikku: Yeah, what of it?

Mirage: Never mind.

Rikku: I thought he was cute, but as soon as I found out about him making out with my cousin underwater, I crossed him off my list.

Mirage: Ooookkkkaaaayyy…too much information. Is that all?

Rikku: I guess so. Oh yeah, I also caught him trying to murder Auron.

Mirage: Whoa. Don't spoil anything. Save it for Tidus' interview.

Rikku: Sure. Next?

Mirage: This is from 'Auron's Fan.' She asks you 'How the heck did you survive in Gagazet?

Rikku: What do ya mean?

Mirage: She means, the way you were dressed, especially in FFX-2 was kinda…revealing.

Rikku: Oh. Well, in the freezing wind of Gagazet…

Mirage: Too many clips in one day.

Clip begin…

Auron: Rikku, are you okay?

Rikku: No.

Tidus: Something wrong?

Rikku: Yes.

Lulu: She's freezing in here.

Yuna: If you want, Lulu can use fire and keep you warm.

Rikku: No thank you, she needs enough mana to last through the mountains.

Lulu: She does have a point.

Tidus: I know! Rikku should borrow Auron's coat!

Auron: Hey, have you thought about my own safety?!

Kimahri: Kimarhi ask Ronso leader to lend blanket.

Rikku: Alright! You rock Kimarhi! _I'm sorta relieved and disappointed at the same time._

Auron: There's no way I'm taking this off.

Lulu: Selfish pervert.

Behind the pillars of Gagazet sat freezing Mirage.

Mirage: Guess I can't use this for blackmail.

Back to where things matters…

Kimarhi gives Rikku a large fur overcoat and of course, she wore it right away.

Rikku: It's so warm in here.

Rikku was an ant compared to the size of that coat.

Auron: We should get going.

And they did.

Meanwhile…

Mirage: Curse that bastard. Now I actually have to go up the mountains. Oh lookie there! Wantz! Hey, Wantz! 'Member me?

Wantz: …no.

Mirage: I have a favor to ask. Hide this sphere in your pack and follow them ever step of the way. I have 150,000 Gil to offer. Deal or no deal?

Wantz: Deal!

Mirage: Good. And make sure they don't find out. You do, you lose it all.

Wantz: Okay! Okay! They won't!

Mirage: Good. Meet ya in Zanarkand.

And she goes off to Zanarkand. And she just had to go past the summonor party.

Auron: Mirage?

Lulu: You know her?

Auron: No.

Yuna: You're a poor liar. You even called me one, too, back in Guadosalem.

Auron: I know I am.

Tidus: Whatever, have I seen you before?

Mirage: No. What are talking about?

Tidus: I know I've seen you in Besaid.

Mirage: No. I'm not from around here you see. I'm from Macalania.

Auron: Where movie spheres were made?

Mirage: Nn? Yeah, they were! _Damn that idiot! He's trying to bust me!_

Mirage: Well, I'm on my way to Calm Lands—

Auron: …which was_ that_ way. (points in the opposite direction)

Mirage: No, you don't understand.

Auron: Whatever, we're leaving.

Mirage: Does it matter? I'm heading to Zanarkand.

Auron: But you said you were heading for Calm La—

Mirage: I say a lot of things, 'kay? And when I say I'm going, I'm going.

Yuna: But why would you head towards holy land?

Mirage: Look, I personally don't care if it's holy—

Wakka: Clearly not a Yevonite.

Mirage: I'm not, ok? I don't know much about Yevon, or the Al Bhed, or anything like that because I don't care.

Tidus: Aw, come on! If she says going to Zanarkand, then she'll go!

Lulu: Hey, maybe she can be some use to us.

Auron: No, we have enough people.

Mirage: No, you don't! Just to annoying you, Auron, I'm coming!

Tidus: No, it's ok. We don't need help anyways.

Mirage: No problemo! Oh yeah. Before I go, I want to tell Auron something.

Auron: What now?

Mirage: Just shut up and listen!

Yuna: W-what did she say?

Mirage: Since a few days ago, I've been telling everyone your secrets. Careful towards Yunalesca.

Rikku: What secrets?

Mirage: You'll know soon enough.

Auron: Well, that would kinda explain why the priests were acting strange in Bevelle.

Tidus: I know. They were looking at you as if you were gay or something.

Auron: Quiet, blondie.

Of course, Auron's not gay or bi. That's not even the reason why he rejected the priest's daughter.

Mirage: Well, I wish you good luck and I wish Auron keep his fading reputation, and hope that Rikku gets to breathe under that coat.

Rikku nodded quickly while trying to get air under the crushing coat.

Mirage: I guess I'll see ya whenever.

And she takes off like a rocket.

Auron: She's like another version a Rikku.

Mirage: I heard that!

Auron: Whatever, let's leave.

Yuna: Auron, Rikku's suffocating.

Rikku: Precious air…

Auron: Fine, I'll let you borrow my stupid coat. Mirage must be laughing now.

She is. Auron reluctantly took off the coat and gave it to Rikku. Kimarhi pulls off the overcoat. Rikku puts Auron's coat on.

Rikku: Thank you, Auron.

Auron: Kimarhi, I need the coat.

Kimahri gave him the coat and Auron buries himself under that thing. He handled it pretty well.

End clip.

Rikku: Wasn't there more?

Mirage: The wind blew the sphere off Wantz's pack, so I had to look for it. That's all it had. What about X-2, though? I don't have any clip for that.

Rikku: Hmm. By the time we went back there, I was kinda used to it.

Mirage: Interesting. Next question, 'Chaos911' asks 'Did you ever sleep with Tidus?'

Rikku: Nope! I'm sadly still a virgin. Yunie better be happy about this. Tidus belongs to her and only her.

Mirage: Ok then, other question: Why didn't you kick Wakka's ass when he started insulting your people like that?

Rikku: I did.

Clip begins…

Wakka: I can't believe I've been traveling with an Al Bhed! A heathen!

Rikku: What? Don't talk to me like that!

Wakka: You guys are the reason why Sin came in the first place. You guys use machina!

Rikku: You have proof?! Show me proof!

Wakka: It says in Yevon's teachings!

Rikku: Yevon says this. Yevon says that. Can't you think for yourself?! 

Wakka: Then why did Sin come? Huh? Explain that!

Rikku: I-I don't know!

Wakka: Hah, you bad-mouth Yevon and that's all you can come with?

Rikku: But that doesn't mean you can do what they say without thinking! Nothing will ever change that way!

Wakka: Nothing needs to change!

Rikku: You want Sin to keep coming back? There might be a way to stop it you know!

Wakka: Yeah. If we atone our sins, then it will be gone one day!

Rikku: Why do I even bother?

Wakka: Stupid Al Bhed. Those sand-blasted grease monkeys.

Rikku: What did you say? You're so gonna get it! 

She tries to jump Wakka, but he's so big she hung on his arms.

Wakka: Wha-?

And she knocks him out with a frying pan. After that, she started kicking him, repeatingly.

Tidus: Disturbing.

Lulu: Should we stop her?

Tidus: Nah.

Tidus, Lulu, Auron, and Kimarhi sat from the distance, sharing popcorn and watching Rikku beating the hell out of Wakka.

Rikku: Take that! And that! Hya!

End clip…

Mirage: OMG.

Rikku: I'm so proud of myself.

Mirage: Next: From 'IllusionSky', how do you pronounce your name in Japanese?

Rikku: I'm not positive, ya know? I think its Ryuku.

Mirage: Ooh, pretty name. Phone lines are open.

First Call

Tidus: Rikku! What the hell are you talking about?! We slept together several months ago!

Rikku: You were drunk! You were making out with the broomstick!

Tidus: La la la la la la! Can't hear ya!

Second call

Wakka: Damn you, Rikku! After you kicked me back in Macalania, I had a concussion!

Rikku: Serves you right.

Wakka: What kind of Al Bhed brings a frying pan with them anyways?!

Rikku: This one did.

Wakka: That's not funny! I called Sir Auron, Lulu!

Mirage: Serious?

Rikku: Yep.

Mirage: OMG.

Third call:

Auron: …

Rikku: …

Auron: You owe me.

Rikku: For what?!

Auron: Gagazet.

Rikku: Oh, ok.

Auron: I suggest you go home soon 'cause I'm already there.

Rikku: Stalker!

End of calls.

Mirage: And that's all the time we have for today people. Thanx for asking and voting! Next is one of my personal characters, Lulu! Send in your questions and don't hesitate to vote! 

Rikku: How am I gonna go home now?

Mirage: Don't worry. Anyways, are you going? I have to coughfollowyouandfindoutwhathappensovertherebetweenyouandAuroncough.

Rikku: I guess I have to go, then. Sigh, wish me luck.

At her home…

Rikku: Auron? Get out here! Damn you. I have your diary!

Auron: Crud. (from the inside of Rikku's window) Give it back!

Rikku: What the hell are you doing up there?!

Auron: Never mind that! Where's my diary?!

Rikku: Like I'm telling!

Auron: Well, I'm not moving!

Rikku: That's it, I'm going up there.

She does. Mirage climbs on top of the roof. Don't ever, ever try this. She peeks in through the window. Here we see Rikku to the door and Auron standing near the door.

Auron: Give it back.

Rikku: Never!

She tackles Auron and started slapping him.

Rikku: Get out of here! Go away!

Auron: Never! I'm gonna get revenge after what you did!

Rikku: What did I do?!

Auron: I don't remember, but you did something!

Rikku: What?!

Auron: You invaded my privacy.

Rikku: So? 

Auron: So?

Rikku: Will you leave?

Auron: No.

Rikku: Darn. Why not?

Auron: Because you invaded mine's so I'm invading yours.

Rikku: What kinda excuse is that?

Auron: A good one.

Rikku: Are you leaving?

Auron: No.

Rikku: why?

Auron: Cause, I don't want to! Stupid!

Rikku: Who're you calling a dumb blonde?

Auron: I never said that!

Rikku: Are you going?

Auron: No.

Rikku: Well, why not?

Auron: I don't need to leave.

Rikku: That's dumb of course you need to leave!

Auron: Make me.

Rikku: Ok, I will. Oh, lookie! Sake!

Auron: Wha—! Where?!

Rikku: Over there! (points to outside)

Auron: I'll be back. (leaves)

Rikku locks the door. Mirage sees Auron running out the door.

Mirage: Pathetic.

Auron sees Mirage.

Auron: You have any sake?

Mirage: …no… (looks away) Whacha doin'? Never mind.

End of story…finally!

**So long…I better finish before it gets any longer. Thanx for asking and so on. Don't forget to ask something about Lulu! Until next time…**


	4. Lulu's Interview

**FFX Interviews: Lulu**

**Disclaimer: Pfft. I can't even own my OC character. Oh yeah, in italics, it's their thoughts. Most of them.**

Mirage: Hello, people. We're back on another painful-for-me episode on Final Fantasy X Interviews! Just so you know, it's NOT Auron/Mirage! If you thought so, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I don't think he's...uh...you know...and besides, he's out to kill me. Yeah, let's not forget that. And that he's dead! No offense. Enough of that, today, we will interview one of my favorite character, Lulu! Get out here Lu!

Lulu steps out in here usual black dress and sits down on the couch with her moogle in her hands.

Lulu: ...

Mirage: Hello to you too, Lulu. We have lots of questions here today, so are you ready?

Lulu: Yes. Also, I plan to keep my dignity. Just so you know.

Mirage: (gulps) I'll keep that in mind.

Lulu: Yes, I do hope you remember that well.

Mirage: Ok, then. First question is from IllusionSky, who was awesome enough to review first, asks you 'why are you a black mage?'

Lulu: Hm. That's an easy question. The day when had to pick which fighting style…

Mirage: CLIP!

Clip begins…

Before the actual FFX story performance had started...

All the main characters, including Jecht, Tidus, and Seymour, and so on sat in a circle, happily chomping down their lunch.

Tidus: The director said we have to pick out a fighting style and the parts out for the game.

Rikku: How're we gonna do that?

Tidus: This. (takes out a hat and several scraps of paper)

Behind the tree sat Mirage, who was enjoying her riceball and recording the scene at the same time.

Mirage: Damn Seymour. Trying to steal my spheres like that. Blackmail time...

Tidus: Here are the parts to the game and the fighting style: Sin, evil summonor dude that uses only magic including Ultima, the protagonist warrior, an overly nice summonor that summons weird animals, blitzball freak, a black mage that uses weird dolls, a samurai who's supposed to be dead, but isn't, a mute Ronso, an Al Bhed thief, and the main fayth. We put the parts in the hat and you guys pick it out.

So they did. The outcomes are:

Sin: Wakka

Evil summoner: Seymour

Warrior: Tidus

Blitzball freak: Jecht

Summoner: Yuna

Black mage: Lulu

Samurai: Auron

Ronso: Kimahri

Al Bhed: Rikku

The Fayth: Boy version of Bahamut

Tidus: Yeah, I got the main part, I rock!

Lulu: -rolls her eyes- I suppose I can live with this.

Jecht: Hey, Wakka. Wanna exchange parts?

Wakka: No, I like being evil!

Jecht: I have a really good hairspray, straight from Zanarkand, waiting for you…

Wakka: Ok, deal! But, the blitzball…I can't use that as a weapon!

Jecht: Don't worry, I have a sword that you can use. I have a spare for myself, of course.

Wakka: Ok!

Lulu: Anyone wanna exchange mine's?

-_Awkward silence-_

Lulu: Fine, be that way. When I learn 'death'…

End of Clip…

Lulu: See? Luckily, this question didn't tarnish my reputation.

Mirage: Next question, from Goodwitch08, 'How the HELL do you control those ugly dolls you use?

Suddenly, Lulu casted Firaga on Mirage. Her entire body is stained in soot. Except for her eyes.

Mirage: Wh- what was that for?

Lulu: I cast spells at idiots when I feel insulted or when I feel like it.

Mirage: -whimper-

Lulu: And, for your information, those 'ugly dolls' are called moogles.

Mirage: I knew they were moogles.

Lulu casts Thunder on Mirage for whatever reason. It wasn't that painful, thankfully.

Lulu: Ok, that was for interrupting me. I control moogles with my powers. Not entirely though. They can react on their own, depending on the situation. There was an incident…

Mirage: Clip! Ow!

Mirage was left soaked by artificial water.

Lulu: Sorry, my finger slipped.

Clip begins…

Wakka: Hey, Lu! I heard you can control the moogles. Can you show me?

Lulu: No.

Wakka: Please?

Lulu: No.

Wakka: Pretty please?

Lulu: I'm too nice. Come with me.

They went in Lulu's hut thingy. Meanwhile in the bushes…

Auron: Damn that Wakka! I saw her first! No problem. There's always Rikku.

Tidus: Auron, whacha up to?

Auron: I bet they're making out in there.

Tidus: How do ya know?

Auron: Watch.

In the hut…

Wakka: Whoa…so many moogles…

Lulu: …this is one of my first moogles. (points to the original version of the moogles)

Wakka: Uh, yeah. So what do you do?

Lulu: Watch.

Lulu waves at the moogle. The moogle stood up and hops at Wakka's feet. Wakka got so shocked, he jumps behinds Lulu and stares at the so-called innocent moogle like a 4-year old seeing their first spider. I wonder how I reacted at my first spider.

Wakka: What the--?

Lulu: Impressive isn't it?

Wakka: Really. (rubs his head)

She waves at moogle and it waves 'hi' at Wakka. He waves back and laughs nervously.

Wakka: What else does it do?

Lulu: Sometimes, if you ask it questions, it may answer back. Like asking a fortuneteller. It can be right. It depends on the person and the situation.

Wakka: Whoa! Really? Ok, then. Here's one: Will I ever team up with an Al Bhed?

Moogle: (nods)

Wakka: OMG! Wait. Are you serious? You're lying?!

Lulu: Are you questioning its capability?!

Wakka: No, ma'am. Next question: Hmm…Will I ever marry Lulu?

Moogle: (Nods)

Lulu: …?!

Wakka: Ha! We're gonna get married! Hahahaha!

Lulu: Shut up.

Wakka: Will we have a kid?

Moogle: (Nod again)

Lulu: Wakka, I'm warning you right here, right now—

Wakka: Ahahahaha!

Lulu: Quit laughing, you buffoon!

Wakka: Ahahahahahaha!

Lulu was enraged. If you know her pretty well, then you know about her temper. If not, you can tell by just looking at her.

Lulu: Moogles, ATTACK!!!

Every collections of the moogles, all 75 of them, all different, jumped the defenseless Wakka, who falls over and was buried by those innocent looking, evil moogles.

Wakka: Ahh!!! Lu! Heelllpp! Get me out!!!

Lulu: Why, so you can piss me off again?

Wakka: I'm SUFFOCATING!!!

Lulu: Serves you right.

Wakka: I'm sorry!

Lulu: Fine, whatever. (rolls her eyes) I am too nice.

She waves her hand and the moogles, one by one, jumps off the man.

Lulu: Any other questions you wanna ask?

Wakka: N-no thank you.

Lulu: I thought so.

Wakka: Sigh…that was close.

He gets up, slips on one of the moogles and falls onto Lulu's…erm…chest.

Lulu: What.Do.You.Think.You're.Doing?

Wakka: Eh…um…I'm sorry?

Lulu: Why would sorry do it?

Wakka sees all moogles, including the one his slipped on, rising.

Wakka: What. In. Spira?

Lulu: Wakka…?

Wakka: I better leave now.

Lulu: I believe you should.

And he does.

In the bushes…

Auron sees Wakka heading out the hut.

Auron: Aw…see, Tidus? That's Lulu rejecting Wakka.

Tidus: Um…yeah…sure. So, are you gonna go in there?

Auron: Yes. Watch and learn. -leaves-

Tidus: I should record this. (takes out a random sphere) Now, how do you work this thing?

In the hut…

Auron: Hello, Lady Lulu. Did you do something to Wakka?

Lulu: What's it to you? (glares)

Auron: I'm just concerned about his health. (obviously having second thoughts)

Lulu: I scared him away with my moogles.

Auron: What did he do to you?

Lulu: Nothing much. Just talk about the moogles.

Auron: I see.

Lulu: Say, you should ask the moogles something.

Auron: But, don't you control it? Which would mean that you answer the—

Lulu: Just shut up and ask.

Auron: Ok. What should I ask?

Lulu: Forget it, I'll ask. Will Auron do something pervy to me one day? See? No.

Moogle: (Nods)

Lulu: Whoa…what?

Auron: OMG.

Lulu was truly shocked by the results.

Auron: (chuckles) Ok, here's another one. Are you telling the truth?

Moogle: (nods)

Lulu: (shivers) Sir Auron, I strongly suggest you leave right now.

Auron: Why?

Suddenly, one of the moogle 'viciously' attacked Auron. You can decide how.

Auron: Ow! Lulu, what was that for?!

Lulu: I didn't do it. The moogles can react at certain scenarios on their own, sometimes. (shifty eyes)

Auron: I'm leaving now.

Lulu: Whatever. Try hard. I doubt that they'll want to though. (points at the moogle)

Another moogle attacks him. He runs for the door, but a wall of moogles blocks the exit.

Auron: I have no choice.

He tackles through the wall, leaving him outside the hut, half-buried with moogles, speechless, and Tidus, speechless.

Tidus: Heh! And I thought you were this ladies' man. I mean, how could some pathetic guy get humiliated by tiny, pathetic dolls? Hehe…

Lulu: You should watch your tongue.

Tidus: Yes, ma'am. (soldier pose)

A moogle out of nowhere attacks Tidus from behind and the rest of the moogles followed.

Tidus: Lulu! I'm said I was sorry!

Lulu: It wasn't me. I'm gonna go back and take a nap and forget that Auron will ever try and do me.

Tidus: What?

Lulu: Nothing.

Auron gets up after all the moogles finally climbs off him.

Tidus: Auron! Help!

Auron: You're on your own, kid. (walks off)

Tidus: Stupid bastard.

End clip…

Lulu: That was long.

Mirage: Zzzzzzzz…..

Lulu: Idiot. Oh look! There's more.

At the time of that terrible crime, Seymour and Jecht were having a control-the-moogles contest.

Jecht: Controlling moogles is fun!

Seymour: I can't believe how simple this is.

Jecht: You know, I'm still not letting you become Sin.

Seymour: Darn. _I should make the moogles stalk Yuna. Yes. Until she marries me…_

Seymour feels a slight tap on his shoulder.

Yuna: Seymour, what are you doing?

Seymour: …nothing.

Yuna: Right. I'm telling Lulu. (runs off)

Seymour: Sigh…

If you didn't get it, Lulu says that they react on their own. In case this, Seymour was giving moogle lessons with

Real end of clip…

Mirage: Zzzzz….

Lulu casts thunder.

Mirage: OW!

Lulu: Next question.

Mirage: Ow, right. No wonder Rikku's scared. Ahem…next question, for the-

Lulu: WHAT?!

Mirage: Nothing! I swear! I swear!

_ZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!_

Mirage: (faints)

And we'll be back after a few messages…

The next day…

Mirage: Zzzz….

Lulu casts Thundaga. Believe me; you do not want that ever happening to you. Trust me.

Mirage: AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! Lulu?

Lulu: Get up, it's 6 in the morning.

Mirage: Funny. Why do I have a feeling that my history project's due today?

Lulu: Question?

Mirage: Sorry. Well, that was a good nap. Goodwitch08 also asks, "Do you really love Wakka? Or is he just second best to Chappu?"

Lulu: I love Wakka dearly. But he can be a prick sometimes.

Mirage: Sorry, no clip this time.

Random Guy: Curse you! (throw a cans)

Mirage: Ow. Please answer in descriptive words. So. That. He'll. Stop. Throwing. Cans. At. Me. Ow.

Lulu: I guess that…I don't know. If Chappu didn't die than I would've married Chappu. One time, Wakka pushed Chappu off the cliff and Chappu broke his arm. I got so mad that on that day, I set a rattlesnake under his pillow.

Mirage: Ok, too much details.

Lulu: Wakka's okay. Not any stronger than Chappu, that's for sure. Hm…what else…

20 minutes later…

Lulu: …I don't get it. Wakka says Tidus looks like Chappu. Does he look anything like him?

Mirage: Uh…next question, 'Since Tidus looks like Chappu, does that mean that you secretly had or have secret feelings for him?

Lulu: No.

Mirage: Anything else?

Lulu: No.

Mirage: Fine then. CLIP!

This took place at Besaid when Lulu was talking with Wakka the night before the start of Yuna's pilgrimage. You know, "Lulu's Confrontation" or something like that.

This is what Tidus didn't overhear…

Lulu: You idiot! That guy looks nothing like him!

Wakka: Yeah he does.

Lulu: Nu-uh.

Wakka: Yuh-huh.

Lulu: Nu-uh.

And this continued for quite a while.

Wakka: Yeah he does! And because of that, you like him!

Lulu: No I don't. Wakka, you can't base everything by what you know.

Wakka: Hmm…if so, why are you blushing, ya? Explain that.

Lulu: I'm not blushing. It's just that…do you know how close you're standing next to me?

Wakka: Sorry. (steps back) So you don't like him?

Lulu: No. _Are you kidding?! He's sexier than Chappu!_

Wakka: Are you sure?

Lulu: Yes. _No dur, moron!_

Wakka: Good, and if you do, tell me right away.

Lulu: Yeah, right, sure. _Like I'm ever gonna do that, retard._

End clip.

Mirage: …moving on. 'What's with the belt's on that dress? Are they for whipping Wakka into shape?'

Lulu: No. They're for whipping Auron whenever he looks at me.

Mirage: Really?

Lulu: No, they're for whipping Wakka.

Mirage: Oh. 'I heard that you wanted to sleep with Seymour, but he turned you down. Is that tru-AAAAHHHH!!'

Mirage have indeed, yet again been hit by Thundaga.

Lulu: I wish to not answer that.

Mirage: Ok. Your problem. That's okay because I have cough-the-clip-cough anyways that I'll show at the cough-end-of-the-show-cough.

Lulu: What?

Mirage: Okay, frostbite fantasy, 'why do you use dolls?'

Lulu: Already answered.

Mirage: Really?

Lulu: You have short-term memory, don't you?

Mirage: No. My history project is due today, right?

Lulu: Can we just move on?

Mirage: dark and light samurai asks, "If you had a skill other than black magic, what would it be?"

Lulu: White magic, or summoning, or sword. White magic to improve my magic, summoning to make Valefor peck Wakka, and sword because I want to.

Mirage: Makes sense. Aikido-Kasshin-Ryu asks, "Have you ever gotten back at those who looks at your…you know?

Lulu: No.

Mirage: CLIP!!!

Lulu is at her secret hideout via Yuna's-home to plan something.

Lulu: That Wakka bastard. Are my breasts the only thing that's attractive?! For him, it will be blitzball-painted concrete! Muahaha….

Yuna comes in holding what looks like or maybe is a weird looking sandwich.

Yuna: Lulu? This is from Wakka.

Lulu: Make Tidus eat it or something. It's probably poisoned.

Yuna: Uh…okay. Tidus!!!

She runs out the door. Lulu continues her plan.

Lulu: Next up…that idiot Auron!!! Gosh, why doesn't he look at Rikku for a change? For him…uh…the rattlesnake under pillow is getting old. Hm. This is tricky. He's already gotten the 'stealing his clothes' prank, the 'Wakka's poisoned sandwhich' prank. That only leaves the last prank. The 'cream in their face' prank. Interesting.

_That night…_

Auron lies on the couch, muttering something about 'blondes' and stuff. Lulu 'stealthily' sneaks into Auron's home, crashing into his sake jug along the way. Auron mutters something and sticks his left arm out for no apparent reason. Lulu sighs and takes out cinnamon powder, chili powered and foam cream. She sprays some cream on his hand, poured the entire cinnamon power bottle on top of the cream lump and on top of that, huge amounts of chili powder. She takes out a chocobo feather and tickles his nose. Auron raises his left hand to scratch his nose and bam! All the cream and spices went splat on his face. It was followed by screams heard from miles away.

End Clip…

Mirage: Holy…next question. Why did you treat Tidus so badly on the way to Kilika?

Lulu: Uh…because he was looking at my…

Mirage: Ok, got it. During Wakka's interview, did you torture him anymore?

Lulu: Yes. Why?

Mirage: Clip!

Clip begins…

Mirage: May we leave now?

Lulu: Sure, whatever.

Mirage: Sigh. Auron, let's watch them from the back.

Auron: Awww…

A few minutes later…

Lulu: Ok, now that she's gone, it's time for your ultimate punishment!

Wakka: You mean that—ultimate…oh god.

Lulu: Moogles, ATTACK!!!

Wakka: AAAHHHH!!!!

Out there…

Mirage: Gosh, this is hilarious. Looks like another blackmail opportunity.

Auron: Hmm…blackmail, eh?

Clip ends.,,

Lulu: And there you have it.

Mirage: Why do you use dolls as a weapon?

Lulu: Do you think I wanted to use them?!

Mirage: Uh…no?

Lulu: Next question.

Mirage: Sin Vidor Necrotica wants to know where you get your dresses. And will you marry him?

Lulu: What?

Mirage: Sigh… Sin Vidor Necrotica wants to know where you get your dresses. And will you marry him?

Lulu: I had it the first time. I got my dresses from…wait, why am I telling you? And no.

Mirage: Sorry Vidor. Kurissyma san Tybalt asks 'How do you keep your dress up? Due to its weight and it's strapless.'

Lulu: Why? Do you have a problem with it? Is it offensive?

Mirage: How do you—

Lulu: Is it? Is it? I'm not answering.

Mirage: But…AAAAAHHHHHH!!! (shocked by her spells yet again) This is not my day.

Lulu: Next time will be stronger.

Mirage: Serves me right for updating so late. 'Something about Wakka.' Ok then, I will ask why did you marry Wakka?

Lulu: Why? Is there a problem with that?

Mirage: N-no. Never mind?

Lulu: It's fine. He's nice, unique and stuff. Chappu's still better though.

Mirage: Ok then. 'Would you marry Wakka sooner if it wasn't for his haircut?'

Lulu: Maybe, but if Chappu was still alive, then no.

Mirage: I need to get the show over with. Oh wait, that's all.

Lulu: At least my reputation's isn't done for. Now to hurt Mirage.

Mirage: OMG. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm sorry, we are experiencing some technical difficulties at this point. Please wait for a moment.

Mirage: Phone Lines are on.

First call...

Mirage: This is FFX interview. Mirage here.

Wakka: Hey Lu.

Lulu: Wakka.

Wakka: Are you still mad?

Lulu: -sarcasm- No.

Wakka: Ok, great then. Listen Lu, I have blitzball pratice tonight and-

Lulu: AGAIN?!!!

Wakka: Sorry, but we have a tournament comin' up and I have to win if I want Vidina to like me.

Vidina: Who are you talking to?

Wakka: Lulu.

Vidina: Oh. HI, MOMMY!!!

Lulu: Hello, child.

Vidina: 'Child?' Aw, daddy. Did you tick her off again?

Wakka: -shift eyes- No.

Second call...

Auron: Mirage, are you stalking everyone?

Mirage: Well, duh! I needed to get as much blackmail as needed.

Auron: Hmph! Oh yeah. Because of 'harmless' prank, I was blind for a month.

Lulu: I'll make it even longer, if you continue to stare at me!

Auron: Sorry, ma'am. How much pepper did you use?!

Lulu: I don't remember, why?

Auron: What do you mean why?!

Lulu: Forget it. My moogles are watching you.

Auron: No they're...is that a moogle on the ceiling?!

Third call...

Yuna: Lulu?

Lulu: Yes?

Yuna: Seymour's just proposed to me. What should I do?

Lulu: Just kick him where the sun doesn't shine.

Yuna: Isn't that kinda harsh, though?

Lulu: Would you rather marry him?

Yuna: Ok then, I'll be visiting Guadosalam, then. If I don't return, tell Tidus that I hate him.

Lulu: Will do.

End of calls...

Mirage: And that's all the time we have for today, thank god. Ok, next up, Seymour Guado. I'm hoping there would be plentiful of questions for him. I don't really like him, but there will be more Mirage-bashing than Seymour-bashing. I won't show that cough-clip-cough-cough until next chapter. Sorry, but Lulu looks super pissed right now.

Lulu: Can I kill you?

Mirage: No.

Lulu: Darn.

**I can't believe I screwed up on Lulu's chapter!!! My favorite character!!! I was in a rush, so this was kinda lame and not funny. I just couldn't bash her! it was so horrible! If you want me to redo it, than include that in your reviews. I promise to make it up next chap! Next up, Seymour Guado!!! I have a score to settle with him. That reminds me. I need to get more magic armor. Also, remind me to show that clip that was supposed to show about Lulu and Seymour.**


	5. Seymour's Interview

**FFX Interviews: Seymour**

**Disclaimer: **I'm gonna have to take over the world first.

Mirage: What's up people and thank you for tuning in for another episode of FFX Interviews! I would like to thank you all for reading, reviewing, voting, favorite this, etc. Today, we'll be interviewing the one and only, Seymour Guado!

-no reply-

Mirage: Today, we'll be interviewing the one and only, Seymour Guado!

-nothing-

Mirage: S-seymour?

-nope. Nada-

Mirage: Where the hell is he?

A few distances away…

Yuna: Maester? Don't you have an—

Seymour: Silence, Lady Yuna. I'm doing something.

Yuna: Doing what?

Seymour: …

At the show…

Mirage: Crap! Almost forgot! The clip for Lulu's interview! Ok, on Lulu's episode, there had been a question. 'I heard that you tried to sleep with Seymour, but Seymour turned you down. Is that true?' I said that I would show the clip in the next chapter, which is this chapter. You follow? Right. Clip!

Random guy: But we didn't say anything! And you suck!

Mirage: Whatever, just watch the clip that I worked so hard for.

Same Random guy who is now starting to piss me off: Don't you mean Auron? He taped it, right?

Mirage: (ignores) Clip!

Lulu enters Guadosalam, looking quite nervous. She asks Tromell if she could the Maester in private. He runs off and came back seconds later. Literally. No, I mean it. Do you know how fast the Guados are? Ok, then. Tromell explains to her that Seymour is seeing Yuna in his 'chamber'. This reply completely pissed Lulu off, so she knocks Tromell out and 'secretly' sneaks in to his chamber. She barges in into Yuna's and Seymour's little conversation. Then, Lulu asks Yuna to leave so that they could talk for a bit.

Seymour: What a surprise, Lady Lulu. What brings you here?

Lulu: Surprise? You knew I was coming.

Seymour: Indeed. How did you get through security?

Lulu: What security?

Seymour: Oh yeah, they're at lunch. Well, how did you get through Tromell?

Lulu: I expect the Guados to be fast, but I guess that as you age, it slows you down.

Seymour: You knocked him out didn't you?

Lulu: Uh, duh. Well, in case you don't know, my Wakka refused to say how much he loves on national television. I just need revenge. So, I thought that if I come here, it would kill him to see me with you.

Seymour: Do I have to sleep with you?

Lulu: Let's not go too far, but if it will teach him a lesson…

Seymour: I apologize, but I'm deeply in love with Lady Yuna.

Lulu: Yeah right...

Seymour: Really!

Lulu: Nu-uh.

Seymour: Uh-huh.

Lulu: Nu-uh.

Seymour: Uh-huh.

At this continued for a while until they eventually got bored and decided to stop.

Lulu: So, then. You're in love with Yuna?

Seymour: Yes.

Lulu: Why?

Seymour: Well, uh. She's hot…and sexy. (you know he's making that up)

Lulu: Oh? So, are you saying that I'm not sexy?!

Seymour: Ah! No! I mean that she's pretty!

Lulu: So I'm not?!

Seymour: NO! I just think she's smart!

Lulu: So I'm stupid?

Seymour: Uh, no?

Lulu: Then what? Don't tell me you're using her.

Seymour: I never said that.

Lulu: Ok, so you don't like her and you won't sleep with me.

Seymour: Your point?

Lulu: This can only mean one thing.

Seymour: …

Lulu: You're gay.

Seymour: WWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lulu: Yes. Gay. That would explain a lot. I can't wait to tell Yuna.

Seymour: Wait, don't tell her!

Lulu walks out anyways. Seymour grabs her bare shoulders. Lulu smacks his hand. He withdrew his hand. She slaps Seymour hard.

Seymour: You bitch! I'm gonna get you.

He touches Lulu's uh…you know…by accident of course.

Lulu: You pervert! Moogles, ATTACK!!!

Seymour: Oh, god!!! NOOO!!!!!!!

And he got buried by the moogles. Poor guy.

Lulu: Serves you right.

And she runs off to tell Yuna about Seymour.

Later on…

Yuna: Lulu? What happened?

Lulu: You won't believe this.

Yuna: Believe what?

Lulu: He's using you.

Yuna: WHAT?!

Lulu: And he's gay.

Yuna: WWHHAATT??!!

Lulu: I knew you'd feel that way.

Yuna: That's it! No gay idiot uses Yuna! I'm going in!

Lulu: Sigh…

Seconds later…

Seymour: Lady Yuna? Thank god!!! Help me out!

Yuna: Yeah, right. You're gonna use me? Well guess what?

Yuna started banging on Seymour's head with her staff.

Seymour: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Yuna: Take this! And that! And this!

Seymour: Oh, the agony!!!

End clip…

Mirage: And there you have it! Oh, look who decided to arrive.

Seymour: It's wasn't my fault!

Mirage: Sure.

Seymour: Really! It wasn't my fault that Yuna's Valefor wasn't properly trained.

This is what he means…

Seymour: Ok, I'm done with some crap that I was doing earlier. Now, how am I gonna get to that idiot's place in time? (Note: Mirage is not an idiot!!! He's lucky I wasn't there when he said that…)

Yuna: You're on your own.

Seymour: I know! I'll use your Valefor!

Yuna: I thought I told you, you're on your own!

Seymour: Lady Yuna! I must borrow your Val—

Yuna: No. He doesn't have enough training yet. He's a bit…unstable…

Seymour: Just summon the bird. Or I'll do it.

Yuna: So, are you gonna do your sissy dance to summon him? Like I do?

Seymour: I'm not gay! I'm just feminine looking.

Yuna: I don't care! I'm not giving him to you!

Seymour: Fine, be that way. I'll just tell everyone about your little cough make out with a Zanakandian.

Yuna: Is there a problem about with that?

Seymour: Well, basically, since we're betrothed and you made out with him, everyone will think you betrayed us.

Yuna: So?

Seymour: Don't you get it?

Yuna: No.

Seymour: Oh. Look!

Seymour points in a random direction and Yuna turns to look at that direction. Seymour steals her staff and runs off.

Yuna: Wha-

Seymour: Sucker!

Yuna: Come back here!

And he escapes. He does the wavey thingy I'm not even gonna describe the dancing.

Seymour: Come, Valefor!

Valefor: (In phoenix language) Hey, you're not Yuna! Who are you?!

Seymour: I'm Spongebob now take me to that Mirage-idiot-stalker-person.

Valefor: Well, buckle up then!

Seymour: Buckle?

Valefor: Just hold on, Spongebob.

Seymour: I'm not Spongebob.

Valefor flies to the studio with incredible speed. Seymour fell off his back 5 times and was swung off his back countless times. He even crashed into several building, but each time, he casted Cura on himself to keep himself alive. When they finally arrived, he threw up in a nearby trashcan and pretended nothing happened.

Valefor: See ya,

And that's what brings today.

Mirage: Whatever. Ok, Seymour, we will begin our questions. The first few questions will belong to Goodwitch08, one of the first awesome reviewers to review. First up, 'How did you get your hair to stand up like that with all those pigtails? Have you ever EVER worn it completely down and sexy? Who in the HELL is your hair stylist? The fangirls would love it.'

Seymour: I'm glad that the first question wasn't so crappy. My hair…what makes it stand up, is the one and only, Zanarkand hairspray! (ta-da!)

Mirage: (sweatdrop)

Seymour: Whenever I get to see Wakka, I steal his hairspray bottle. I apply 'some' via most of the bottle and give the rest to Wakka. I don't see him very much, so I had to use magic and some of the Macalania magical water.

Mirage: I wonder how that's like.

Seymour: Very cold. As you may or may not know, Macalania's the second coldest place in Spira, before Mt. Gagazet, but after the Baaj Temple. It's like wearing a pound of ice on your head. Probably because the water never gets warm or loses temperature because of the fayth.

Mirage: We didn't really need a geography lesson you know.

Seymour: I've worn it completely down many times in the past because of the insufficient supply of the spray and since I get lazy about heading out to the Macalania forest. Many say I look feminine.

Mirage: Really.

Seymour: And who's my stylist? I'm sure many of you have heard of the great Tetsuya Nomura.

Mirage: I know I have.

Seymour: He made a mistake-

Mirage: Yeah, you were gay.

Seymour: F you, woman. MULTI-THUNDARA!!!

Mirage: Holy-! EEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! (I totally deserved that)

Seymour: As I was saying, he didn't actually make a mistake; it's just that the hairstyle's huge. I mean, does he expect me to comb it every single day?! I complained about it several times, but he said that I shouldn't really be complaining, since I'm not the only one who's suffering. Look at Lulu and Wakka for instance. How do they balance their heads? I'm sure that Paine hates her hair.

Mirage: Hey, can we stay on FFX and not go onto FFX-2?

Seymour: But I got used to it. Can we go on to the next question? I have to seduce Yuna into marrying me later on.

Mirage: Fine. 'There was a rumor between you and Lulu. Care to comment?'

Seymour: Ok, whatever anyone tells you, don't believe them.

Mirage: What rumors?

Seymour: If you don't know, I'm certainly not gonna tell you, especially in front of national television. I'm also planning to keep my repetition, you know.

Mirage: Fine, if you're not gonna tell me, this clip will.

Seymour: What clip?

Clip begins…

This takes place in the airship on the deck. This contains false secrets about Seymour, so please don't take it seriously.

Yuna: Sir Auron, why are you taping this?

Auron: For future reference.

Yuna: I see. So, on with the rumors. In Luca, I heard a couple saying that Seymour was attacked by Lulu's moogles.

Tidus: Well guess what? I heard that Seymour even tried to sleep with Lulu.

Wakka: Oh, yeah? Well I heard that Seymour sleeps with teddy bears.

Rikku: Scary…well I heard that Seymour's a bi.

Tidus: What the—everyone knows that.

Auron: Hey, how do you think he keeps his hair up like that?

Wakka: Who knows?

Kimarhi: Kimarhi thinks Seymour steals Wakka's hairspray.

Wakka: Wait, are you serious? So that explains it.

Tidus: And why does want to fight us so many times?

Auron: Think about it. We kicked his ass once. Don't you think he'd want to settle the score?

Wakka: But, we defeated him multiple times. Why does he still go after us?

Rikku: 'Cause he's a freak, of course.

Yuna: Hm. Why did he propose to me though?

Tidus: He proposed to you? I'm gonna get that bastard!

Rikku: You didn't know that? We were there!

Auron: Just don't go too far. He's stronger than you.

Tidus: Yeah right. He only uses magic, so I'll have Yuna cast 'Reflect' on me. Then, he'll have a taste of his own medicine.

Auron: You idiot. Don't underestimate his strength. In case you don't remember, when we were 'forced' to fight with Seymour in the Mushroom Rock Road, he was just about as strong as I was.

Tidus: Whoa. It's either he works out, or you're just weak.

Auron: You're not any stronger than him either, dumb blonde.

Rikku: Excuse me?!

Auron: Don't worry, you're a smart blonde.

Rikku: Oh. –sighs in relief—

Tidus: But that was like a few months ago. We've been training in the Omega Dungeons for weeks now. We're bound to be stronger than that idiot.

Auron: I'm sure he's been training too.

Yuna: Who cares? I heard in Kilika that he peeked into Lulu's bath the other day.

Rikku: But…he's never spoken to her. Ever.

Auron: That may be true, but that's only in the game. I'm sure he's spoken to her a few times during coffee breaks.

Kimarhi: Lulu is coming.

Yuna: Quick! Pretend nothing's happening!

Wakka: Sir Auron, put the sphere away!

Lulu comes in.

Wakka: Hey, Lu. What brings you out here?

Lulu: I got bored. I didn't think Cid would be so boring.

Rikku: Figures.

Tidus: So…

Lulu: What are you all doing out here?

Yuna: Oh, nothing. Just making fun of Seymour-

Auron: _Seeing more_ sights! (Ahaha. Get it? Sey-mour and see more? I'm so lame.)

Lulu: Really. That would explain why you have that sphere, Sir Auron.

Auron: Oh…this?

Lulu: Yeah…can I see it?

Auron: No.

Lulu: Why not?

Auron: 'Cause…it has dirty things in it.

Lulu: Really.

Auron: There's a lot of Rikku in there.

Rikku: WHAT?!

Lulu: Whatever. I'm leaving. Stop recording.

Auron: Sorry.

Clip ends.

Mirage: Do you really sleep with a teddy?

Seymour: NO! Next question.

Mirage: It's not a bad thing. Even I sleep with one.

Seymour: Really? Well, you are 13.

Mirage: No. Ok, 'Why do you love Yuna?

Seymour: Well, it's not that I actually 'love' her…

Mirage: You idiot. You're using her, aren't you?

Seymour: Yes. Even an idiot would notice.

Mirage: What? Forget it. Next up, 'There's a rumor going that you had relations with Rikku's father, Cid. Is that true?'

Seymour: I don't know that Al Bhed.

Mirage: How'd you know that he was Al Bhed though?

Seymour: Fine. We were friends when we were little.

Mirage: I thought you didn't have any friends.

Seymour: So?

Mirage: Uh…ok…then 'How many times a day have you looked at yourself at the mirror?'

Seymour: What? Why would anyone want to know?

Mirage: Just answer.

Seymour: Don't you have your precious 'clip' for that?

Mirage: Yep! Clip!

Seymour: What?

Clip begins…

This takes place in Guadosalam…

Jyscal: Seymour! It's breakfast!

-no reply-

Jyscal: Seymour!

-nothing-

Jyscal: SEYMOUR!

-silence-

Jyscal: I guess I have to go up there…again.

He goes upstairs and into 6-year-old Seymour's room. He opens the door and sees Seymour looking at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair.

Seymour: Hello, father.

Jyscal: Are you looking at yourself again? Jeez, that's the fifth time this morning!

At night…

Jyscal: Seymour! Dinner!

-nope-

Jyscal: Sigh…

He goes upstairs, opens the door and sees Seymour looking at his reflection again.

Seymour: Father, have you heard of knocking?

Jyscal: Forget that, you need to stop doing this. It's a very bad habit. This is the 694th time.

Seymour: So?

End clip…

Seymour: Now you know.

Mirage: 'Have you ever hit your head on the doorframe because of your height? Wait…CLIP!'

Seymour: You have clips for practically everything.

Mirage: I know.

Clip…

This is a series of the results of hitting his head on the doorframe.

In Guadosalam chamber entrance…

Seymour: Ow.

In the Malalania temple entrance…

Seymour: Ouch. Stupid door.

In the Kilika Temple entrance…

Seymour: Ouch! Dammit! I'm gonna muderize this place!

Priest: What?

Seymour: I'm kidding! Geez.

In the Besaid's 'Chamber of the Fayth' entrance…

Seymour: Ouch! This place needs reconstruction.

End clip…

Mirage: 'Spell Sephiroth.'

Seymour: What's this? Ok, then. S-e-f-o-r-o-t-h. See?

Mirage: Wrong try again.

Seymour: S-e-l-p-h-i-r-o-t-h.

Mirage: Nope.

Seymour: Fine.

Three and a half hours later…

Seymour: S-e-f-i-

Mirage: Forget it. It's S-e-l-p-h-i-r-o-t-h.

Random guy: That's wrong too, you idiot!

Mirage: Whatever. 'Can you beat the snot out of him in a hand-to-hand duel?'

Seymour: Of course I can! I hate that idiot! It's always Cloud did this, Cloud did that! He's a Cloud-obsessed moron!

Mirage: …okay…ehem. 'Do you get manicures? Your nails tell me yes, but what the truth?'

Seymour: It's in the Guado's genes. If you haven't noticed, we Guados have the same nails and they always stay like this not matter what. Unlike you insignificant humans.

Mirage: Well, excuse us for not being perfect. Sigh…ok. 'Are you afraid of Sir Auron? I heard that you were.'

Seymour: No, I'm not afraid of that dead moron.

A voice erupted from the audience.

Auron: I'm not a moron.

Seymour: Oh, god, it's you!!!

He hides behind the chair, shaking.

Mirage: Auron, I told you not to come in here. In fact, no FFX people can come in until their interview. Sigh…oh well. 'Who's your clothing designer? I highly suggest you kill him.'

Seymour: I don't want to say his or her name because Mr. Nomura never told me that person's name. The director just told me that I have to wear this robe thingy. I've sworn to kill that person, but I never saw him/her. Why, you ask? I don't know him.

Mirage: Well, Goodwitch08 does have a point about killing him of her. 'Are you bringing sexyback? If so, when?'

Seymour: Hm…I don't know Justin Timberlake much, so I won't say anything.

Mirage: Fine. Reading Chick asks, 'At your marriage to Yuna, were you just being possessive when you kissed her, or didn't you need to breathe?'

Seymour: What kinda question is th-?

Mirage: Clip!

Clip rolls…

The wedding…

Yuna: I can't believe I have to kiss him. It's stupid! Maybe, I should just let Tidus and the others die.

Seymour: …

Yuna: Sigh…ok. Don't go to harsh, m'kay? I'm already pissed about that fact that you stole my first kiss.

Seymour: Whatever.

And they kissed. The next few dialogues later will be their thoughts.

Yuna: Man, have he ever kissed a woman before?

Seymour: Must prove to Yuna that I love her and am not using her.

Yuna: I'm gonna have to apologize to Tidus after.

Seymour: Is she wearing cherry lipstick?

Yuna: Let go of me, you bastard!

Seymour: Ok, I should let go now. I need to breathe.

Clip ends…

Seymour: Aw…don't we look cute together?

Mirage: Tidus must've been highly pissed. Kurissyma san Tybalt asks, 'Do you mind that everyone hates you?'

Seymour: No. I got used to the hating after my 13th birthday.

Mirage: 'Are you often pummeled with rotten fruits as you walk down the street?'

Before Seymour answers, the clip rolls.

Tromell: Lord Seymour, these people are looking at us in a strange way. Not to mention those rotten fruits they're holding and ready to chuck at us.

Seymour: Oh, pull yourself together. It's not like they could actually hurt their leader. Right?

An apple suddenly flew right in front of Seymour. It came about less an inch in front of his nose. Seymour looks to his left and sees an old lady standing there.

Seymour: Ha! You missed, you old hag!

He was pointing at the woman and laughing at the all time. Suddenly, another apple hits Seymour square on the back of his head.

Seymour: Ouch! Who did that?!

He looks to his left and sees a kid laughing his sides off.

End clip…

Seymour: Why did I attend this interview?

Mirage: Poor you. 'Are you legally permitted to tell us what it's like being dead- if so, what is it like?'

Seymour: I don't think it's permitted. But what are they gonna do? Kill me?

Mirage: True.

Seymour: There's nothing bad about it. You can't die. You have lots of freedom. Um…you can't feel much pain…you sneak up on people on Halloween and scare the crap out of them. Auron did that to me last time.

Mirage: I wonder why?

Seymour: The bad thing is that if you're not careful, you could turn into a fiend.

Mirage: Interesting. I should do a report on this. Next question, 'whose hair do you think is scarier—yours or Wakka's?

Seymour: Mine's is scarier, of course! Here, I'll make it even MORE scarier!!!!

He messes up his hair and it looks pretty darn scary.

Mirage: 'Did I see you on the table with yo momma at that strip club last night?'

Seymour: Two things: My mother's dead and I was banned from the stupid strip club anyways.

Mirage: 'How?' you ask. Clip!

Clip rolls…

Seymour: What do you mean I'm banned from the strip bar?! I tip high, right?!

Manager: I'm sorry, but we tried to rape one of the girls.

Seymour: But it was an accident!

Manager: Yeah right.

Clip ends…

Mirage: Loser. Princess Kaira of Mirana asks you, 'I heard that you were supposed to be modeled after Seymour after Final Fantasy 7. If that's true, why are you so much uglier than him? And how does your hair stick up like that? Did you steal Tidus' and Jecht's hair gel, too?'

Seymour: Hair gel and hair question's already been answered. And Sephiroth?

Mirage: It's kinda true if you think about it. Rikku resembles Yuffie, Yuna resembles Aeirith, but resembles Tifa in FFX-2, Auron resembles Vincent Valentine, Tidus represents a hyper version of Cloud, there is a Cid in both, and I guess that's it.

Seymour: Well, I'm better than Sephiroth! He's a disgrace to all feminine men!

Mirage: What?

Seymour: I'm not uglier than him either! I have a mixed heritage, remember? How do you think he'd look if he was half-Guado?!

Random woman: Pretty hot.

Another random woman: Hotter than you.

Seymour: I hope you all burn in hell!

Mirage: Calm down. The next few will be 'dark and light samurai'. 'Why that hairstyle?! Why is it all crazy and weird?!'

Seymour: Ask my manager.

Mirage: 'Can you think of anything else but getting controlled by Sin to kill all of Spira to supposedly 'free them from suffering?'

Seymour: If anyone can think of one, tell me, and I'll give you a million gil.

Mirage: 'Is there anyone else than Yuna you would marry?'

Seymour: Probably Lulu, but she'd figure out my plan faster than a chocobo on sugar.

Mirage: True. True. 'What is with you coming back and being more annoying part machina thing than the last?'

Seymour: Ask the director. I'm just following the script.

Mirage: Why are you so girly?

Seymour: I'M NOT GIRLY!!! I'M JUST FEMIMINE LOOKING!!!

Mirage: I hope so. 'My friend said that you wear a skirt and not a robe, what do you think of that?'

Seymour: I think her or his friend's an idiot! (sorry, really) Does it look like I'm wearing a skirt?!!!

Mirage: Pretty much.

Seymour: I hope you suffer.

Mirage: Probably. 'How did you become a maester other than the fact that your father, that you killed, was the Guado maester before you?'

Seymour: Hard-core bribe.

Mirage: You should've seen the clip coming.

Clip does whatever it's doing…which is kinda pointless after the millionth you played it…

In the Luca bliztball stadium…

Seymour: People of Spira, it is I, Seymour Guado, the son of Maester Jyscal. I called you all out here because I want to take over Sin and murderize y'all with 'im. In order to do this however, I must become a maester. I'll give each voter 10,000 gil if you vote for me. If none of you vote for me, I will kill my father.

Random guy: You're an idiot! We all know that a blonde from the dream Zanarkand would come and save us.

Another guy: You idiot, don't spoil the plot!

Random woman: Nice going, idiot.

Seymour: Why do they know these things?

End clip…

Mirage: Why do you bribe, anyways? This is my question.

Seymour: It's not like you could think of anything better than that.

Mirage: So? 'What would you do if you did you take over Sin, but wasn't allowed to do any harm to the people of Spira?'

Seymour: In that case, forget Sin. I can find another way…I think. But there was no other option, I'll just bribe Sin.

Mirage: Do want you want. You're gonna need a lot of money though. 'What was the most humiliating point of your life or your unsent life, that made you want to go to the Farplane?'

Seymour: Why would I tell you?

Mirage: You never learn, don't you? Clip!

Seymour: Damn you to hell.

Again…

Mirage: Hi. If you are watching this, you are one lucky person because you're gonna see Seymour Guado, yes, the Seymour Guado, get humiliated. You ready Auron?

Auron: …

Mirage: Fine.

Seymour: (baby voice) Mistwer Teddy, would duo wike some twea?

Auron: What the—what did he just say?

Mirage: Mister Teddy, would you like some tea.

Auron: I knew that.

Seymour: (baby voice) Mistwer Panda, I vill mawwy Yun-yun tomawwow.

Panda/Seymour: (deep voice) Congratulations, Seymour!

Giraffe/Seymour: (high-pitched voice) Yay! Now you can take over the world!

Seymour: (Normal voice) This is a great day!

Mouse/Seymour: (girly voice) We are still gonna be your friend, right?

Seymour: Hmm…nope.

Toy animals: CHARGE!!!

Seymour: (high-pitched, girly voice) AHH!!!

The toy plusheys sit there while Seymour pretends to get attacked.

Mirage: OMG!!! My eyes!!!

Auron: I wish I was dead. Wait, I already am. Darn.

Mirage: I can't take this…(makes herself seen)

Seymour: …

Mirage: ….

Auron: ….

Seymour: OMG! You're that stalker!!!

Auron: You're slow.

End Clip…

Seymour: F you!!! I hope you burn in eternal hell!!!

Mirage: What's done, done. 'Are you scared of anyone?'

Auron: I KNOW WHO HE'S SCARED OF!!!

Mirage: Shut up back there. Let the man answer!

Seymour: Oh god it's Auron!!! I'm having nightmares tonight.

Mirage: Why him, though?

Seymour: He's a stalker, that's why!!! I always have to check the windows, the hallways, even the ceiling before I take a shower.

Mirage: Eww. Ok. These last few questions will be from Aikido-Kasshin-Ryu. 'In the game, why did we have to fight you so many times?'

Seymour: It was in the script. It I wanted to, I would've fought them more.

Mirage: 'Why did you propose to Yuna even though you two make a crappy couple?'

Seymour: Script. To be honest, I hate Yuna. I would've likes Lulu or Rikku better.

Mirage: 'Weird question, but due to you annoying me every boss battle, can I cast a spell on you? (Ultima)'

Seymour: No. No one casts that but me!

Mirage: But I had Lulu learn that on my file.

Seymour: So?

Mirage: 'Why are you a deranged psycho who bids on destroying humanity and sending us halfway to hell?'

Seymour: I could've been friendlier, but…script. If it were up to me, I would've just screw up the game data so that we'd all die quickly.

Mirage: But, the game wouldn't be that fun.

Seymour: That's the point.

Mirage: Well, if you mess up the game in anyway, I would kill you.

Seymour: Try, if you want.

Mirage: Whatever, the phone lines are now open.

First…

Lulu: You loved me and you know it!

Wakka: You're you talking to?

Lulu: Seymour.

Wakka: Oh. He's a bastard. He was fun to fight with, but it got really annoying after the third time.

Seymour: It was the script. You know that.

Wakka: And you owe me a Zanarkand hair spray!

Seymour: Like I'm ever gonna do that.

Second call…

Yuna: YOU GAY PATHETIC BASTARD!!!

Mirage: Whoa, tone down the language now.

Seymour: I'm not gay!!! I'm just feminine-looking!

Yuna: And what were you thinking?! Using me to kill Spira?! You are pathetic. And you kiss weird.

Tidus: Kiss weird? Are you talking about me?

Yuna: No. Seymour.

Tidus: Oh. Dammit! You stole the first kiss I was gonna give Yuna!

Seymour: How many times do I have to tell you people?! It was in the Fin' script!!!

Tidus: You homosexual.

Third…

Sephiroth: You're a disgrace to all feminine men.

Seymour: It wasn't me fault! Look at you! You…you tried to kill the hot-I mean the main character.

Cloud: You really are gay.

Sephiroth: When did you get here?

Tifa: We followed you.

Yuffie: With my super ninja skills!

Kadaj: Stalkers.

Sephiroth: I want to die. There're five too many idiots here.

Reno and Rufus: Did someone say idiots?

Sephiroth: Make that six.

Aierith: Hello Cloud!!!

Sephiroth: Didn't I kill you?

Aierith: Yeah.

Sephiroth: …as I said. You're a disgrace to all feminine men.

Seymour: F you!!!

Mirage: Hanging up, now.

End of calls…

Auron: How did the Final Fantasy 7 people get in there?

Mirage: I don't know.

Seymour: Can you just end this goddamn show already? I've been humiliated too much. Think of my reputation.

Mirage: Fine, then. That's the end of this episode…er…chapter…yeah…Auron's next and I'm very sorry if I offended you in anyway possible. Also, in the next chapter, I will allow you to submit one of your OC. The first three will be in this show. So, tell me your OC's personality and details. Why, you ask. You'll find out. Don't forget to vote. 'kay?

**Whoa…I didn't think we'd have this much questions about Seymour. I tried to not bash him, but I did anyways…so I highly apologize to all Seymour-fans.**


	6. Auron's Interview

**FFX Interviews: Auron**

**Disclaimer: Noooooooooooo…I don't own this thinnnnnnnnng…ok?**

**A/N: Sorry about the LONG delay. I feel like a really horrid person. Almost a year…I should be suffering a lot. Don't worry. I will on the last chapter.**

**Also, I know that some people were deeply pissed about Seymour's chapter and such…my apologies. I didn't think that people would be this pissed about a guy character who annoys the game plot all the time. I admit that I like Seymour too. Even though we had to fight him a gazillion times in the game, it was pretty fun. I get to watch him suffer again…and again…and again. No really, I think he's one of the best villians I've known besides Sephiroth.**

**Disclaimer: I once again, don't own FFX, Square-Enix, or Tetsuya Nomura(Character designer of FF7-FFX). I'm too lame for them anyways.**

Mirage stands in front of 4 chairs and a sofa.

Mirage: Welcome people and welcome back to another deadly episode of FFX Interview! Thank you for visiting us today for another chapter of chaos. I'm again VERY sorry for the delay. Random crap's been happening. I had to smuggle DDR mats(seriosuly), work at this restaurant, study for the damn finals, and get bossed around by morons.

Audience: - throw a piece of celery -

Mirage: Ew...damn. _Excuse me then._ Today, we have a special guest—three of them, in fact! Actually, four. Yes, four. I hope if the other's don't mind, their OC will be used for the next interview. Thank you for your efforts. And please, no more OCs. PLEASE?!!

Mirage: I told you in the last chapter to submit an OC. I would like to thank you all for doing that! First, from my good friend, Illusion Sky, Minori!!

Minori: - waves weakly - Uh…hi.

Minori sits on a random chair.

Mirage: Our next OC was submitted by Princess Kaira of Mirana! So, give a big welcome to Kaira!

Kaira walked on the stage and sits on my super-cheap chair.

Mirage: Funny, why do you look like Paine?

Kaira: I'm her younger twin, duh.

Mirage: She has a younger twi-?-I KNEW THAT.

Minori: Really.

Mirage: Yea, really.

_According to the thingy, she's a little shy, loves singing, and longs to be able to fly up in the air high enough that no one can reach her…and she's fire elemental. Watch out Mirage...Oh, I just remembered, I need to buy insurance._

Mirage: Thanks for being on this show, Kaira.

Kaira: It's a pleasure.

Minori: Your boring. Give me those! (grabs index cards)

Mirage: Hey, give it back!!!

Minori: Sit, turtle!

Mirage: Nyah! (crosses her arms, sits on the floor)

Minori: Our second OC is from goodwitch08. Her OC's Auron long lost younger sister that Auron hasn't seen in years. Please welcome, Aurona!

_Aurona comes out to the stage and sit on another random chair. The one that's not so cheap. According to the index cards, she cusses a lot, has short black hair, is an ex-summoner, and is now a violent doctor. Sounds lovely._

Mirage: Give it back! (reaches for the cards)

Minori: Quiet 'Rage, your being disruptive. Our last OC was submitted by 'frost bite fantasy'. Give a big hand to Kokoro!

Kokoro: Eh, hi.

Kokoro sits on the last chair available.

Mirage: Ok, we should start. Weird. Where's my chair...

Aurona: There's gone.

Mirage: What?! Get me one! (demands to Minori)

Minori: Don't tell us what to do. You're the Turtle.

Mirage: STOP CALLING ME TURTLE!!! (whimpers)

Koroko: Forget you; now let's get this show over with.

Minori: You're the lamest host I've ever known.

Aurona: Ditto.

Kaira: Shame. (shakes head)

Mirage: Damn you people! I'm gonna get coffee and forget that I was shamed.

Minori: Finally!

Mirage: I heard that!!!

Minori: Whatever. Now on with the show.

Pathetic little Mirage flees from the stage, leaving her dignity behind. Well technically, her dignity died long ago.

_In the closet where Mirage is now hiding…_

Mirage: (mutters) At least I'm safe from Auron. (sips on coffee)

_Back to the show…_

Aurona: Ok peoples, here's the thing, I'm about to meet the man whom I've haven't seen in 10 years. Now, if any of you tells I'm that I'm his sister, I'm gonna murderize you. Got it? Ok.

Kaira: But...why? Wait, forget I asked.

Koroko: Yes, ma'am.

Minori: Ugh, I can't believe I have to do this. I'll kill 'Rage later. Alright, today, we bring you, the one, and the only (twitch) sexy (twitch) in red, Auron.

Auron, the smexy man in red, calmly enters the stage, and sit comfortably on the sofa. During the brief process of walking and sitting, several fan girls fainted, screamed about his name, and fainted.

Auron: I thought that stalker girl is to be hosting.

Minori: Coffee break.

Auron: I see. And who are you?

Koroko: I'm Koroko, this is Minori, this is Kaira, and this is Aur—

Aurona: Kokoro...

Kokoro: Uhh, she's someone you may or may not know.

Auron: ...I see.

Kaira: Um…these first questions are from 'Princess Kaira of Mirana.' LOL, I stole her name.

Koroko: Just get on with it.

Kaira: Sorry. 'Auron, who do you like better, Lulu or Rikku?'

Auron: Hm. I thought I could leave with my full dignity. But its not gonna happen. Especially after what happened to Seymour.

Aurona: Just shut up and answer the damn question!

- after a brief moment of awkward silence -

Auron: Neither. They're both ugly.

Minori: Really. That's not what this clip says.

Auron: Hmph.

_From the closet…_

Mirage: What the fuck?! Right when the clips are coming, I have to go to the damn bathroom!!! Curse you coffee! (leaves to the bathroom)

_Into the clip…_

Tidus and Auron are at Guadosalam for the first time (in the game). This is after you've met Seymour and after you've spoken to either Lulu or Rikku.

Tidus: Hey Auron.

Auron: What now?

Tidus: What would you do if you think a girl is coming on to me?

Auron: How should I know?

Tidus: Because you like Lulu and Rikku.

Auron: Excuse me?

Tidus: I said...

Auron: I know what you said.

Tidus: Uh…

Auron: I hate women. Disgraced to mankind.

Tidus: Say what? Maybe that's because why they are 'women'?

Auron: AND?!

Tidus: What's with the sudden yelling? Look, everyone's looking!!

Auron: LIKE I CARE!

Meanwhile…

Rikku: Wonder what happened now.

Lulu: How much sake has he been drinking now?

Wakka: What in Spira…it's the beginning of the apocalypse. And it's red!

Kimarhi: …(looks away)

Tidus: See?

Auron: I'M NOT GONNA STOP YELLING THOUGH!!! I HATE BOTH OF THEM!!!

Tidus: You know, Auron...it's pretty obvious that it's one of them.

Auron: What the—FINE. Lulu's 'chest' is attractive and Rikku's legs are really nice.

Tidus: But you've never seen Lulu's legs before. Rikku's chest isn't revealing. How can you compare?

Auron: It is in FFX-2.

Tidus: I know, she's looks really hot and sexy—I mean…that's not the point! Don't avoid the question! Who is it?

Auron: I'M NOT TELLING!!!

Tidus: Not again. Sigh…I give up. (walks off)

Auron: …I hope no one heard any of that.

_A few yards away…_

Lulu: …Oh my.

Rikku: …Just…EW. (shivers, covers chest)

Wakka: Iiiiiiiiiii...didn't hear any of that.

Kimarhi: … (looks away)

_End clip…_

Aurona: Ok..what was the point of that?

Kairi: Who's knows, Mirage's clips are useless.

Koroko: We're just going to have to force it out of him.

Kairi: I'm on it. - grabs sake -

Aurona: Alright fanbitches, this sake jug is going to be sold for 7000Gils.

- 'fanbitches' scream, dramatically reaching out for the jug -

Auron: No! Are you nuts?!

Aurona: (glares) Excuse me?

Auron: Fine, I'll answer, Lulu, ok?!

Kokoro: Liar.

Kaira: No need to be ashamed of the truth.

Auron: IT IS THE TRUTH. Can I have it back now?

Aurona: Whatever. (tosses it back)

- fangirls moan in disappointment -

Minori: Ok, next up, the next 15 questions are from goodwitch08.

Auron: 15...that's a lot...

Aurona: No complaining!

Minori: …ok…um…damn it, I lost my place. (searches at the index cards)

Koroko: Let me see those. (grabs the cards)

_Meanwhile…_

Mirage: Dammit! I missed the first clip! Oh well. I recorded it anyways. (sips on coffee)

_Back to where things actually matter…_

Koroko: Do you secretly do ballet when no one's watching?

Auron: What?

Aurona: Yes, he does. Ever since he was little.

Auron: What? How do you know of this madness?

Aurona: (glares)

Auron: Uh…next.

Kokoro: Why do you look so old if you're like in your twenties or thirties?

Auron: Asking questions like those are rude.

Aurona: Not answering is rude.

Kaira: Just answer.

Auron: I don't know. Ask my manager.

Kaira: Sounds familiar. (coughs Seymour)

Kokoro: "I hear that you are secretly in love with Rikku, but her father threatened to cut of your…ehem…yea...if you did anything with her."

Auron: Yes, in fact, that's so tru—I MEAN, WHERE DID YOU HEAR OF SUCH THING?!

Kokoro: Sounds like a lovely and pleasant thing.

Aurona: (rolls eyes) Next question, now.

Kokoro: "Is it true that once you went temporarily blind from catching two 'particular' other men characters doing SOMETHING?"

Auron: Not that I know of.

Aurona: Heh. I wonder if Mirage has a clip for this.

_From the closet…_

Mirage: Yea I so do. Now, did I leave it in my pocke—aw crap, now I got coffee all over my shirt…

_Where that loser isn't whining about coffee…_

Minori: Something that makes you temporarily blind... Sounds pretty bad.

Auron: You think? I swear, Jecht and Braska can be the sickest people you met…

Kaira: It's ok, details aren't necessary.

Auron: Mirage better be watching. I would be nice if she when blind for once.

The swarming pyreflies surrounded Auron. He waved his hands, several girls fainted, and an image displayed within the glowing lights…

Auron: Jecht? What in Spira's name are you doing?

Jecht: It's called gambling…wanna try it?

Auron: N-no…but just curious, how does it work?

Jecht: Simple, you play a game, and then you bet something on it. Whoever loses pays the consequences and whoever wins doesn't.

Auron: Sounds nice. So how exactly did this apply to what the summonor's doing? (points to drunken Braska)

Jecht: Well…we were betting. Either he drinks your sake, or I do.

Auron: …What?

Jecht: Ehem. Maybe you didn't hear me right. I said, it's either he drinks your sake or I do.

Auron: …What?

Jecht: I SAID, IT'S EITHER HE DRINKS YOUR SAKE OR I DO, YOU DEAF VINCENT-WANNABE!!!! Got it?

Auron: …I got it the first time… (eye twitches)

Jecht: Alright, cool. Now, you wanna try it?

Auron: Yes. It's either you stop Braska from drinking the last drop of that jug, or I'll beat the shit out of you.

Braska: That was...the Spira? No more? Oh well. HEY, JECHT, LET'S PLAY STRIP POKER YOU SPOKEN OF.

Jecht: Yea, ok.

- few disturbing moments later -

Auron is tied to the palm tree. Braska is half nude...and well...Jecht...he...

Braska: Look the other way if you want Auron.

Auron: (looks towards the sunset) OH DEAR SPIRA!!!! MY EYES!!!!

_Clip ends._

_Closet, blah blah blah…_

Mirage: What the—I just came back from the laundry and he just had to show his own 'clip' didn't he? What a moron. Nothing can make me go blind except for that one time when I witnessed that one yoai moment. That was horrible. Man, I need to stop talking to myself…

_Studio...thing._

Minori: I'm confused now.

Aurona: That didn't answer anything either…

Kokoro: That was pointless.

Kaira: Actually, do we need to know anything more then that?

Minori, Aurona, Kokoro: You got a point.

Kokoro: Moving on. 'What's with the whole

arm in the sleeve thing?''

Auron: Look me up in wikipedia.

Kaira: And so we shall.

Minori: Let's see…Mirage's laptop…where would she hide it?

Aurona: Wtf? Hides her own laptop? Hmph.

_Broom closet…_

Mirage: HECK YEA, I HIDE MY OWN LAPTOP AND I'M PROUD OF IT!!!

_Interview…_

Kokoro: Oh, I found her laptop.

Minori: Where was it?

Kokoro: Under the chair.

Aurona: Moron.

Auron: Give me her laptop.

Kaira: Why?

Auron: I'm going to set a virus.

Minori: Forget it! We need to look the crap up!!

Kokoro: "Auron's character design calls to mind the quintessential "wandering ronin"; he bears more than a passing resemblance to the "Sanjuro" character played by actor Toshiro Mifune in the film _Yojimbo_. Both allow one sleeve to dangle empty while concealing the arm inside their robe, a ronin characteristic referring to the loss of a master (the symbolic loss of the sword arm)."

Minori: Ok, you can set a virus in there now.

Auron: Thanks.

Kokoro: Makes sense. Next one..."Are you drunk?"

Auron: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DRUNK?

Kokoro: "Will you wear your lovely black hair down for me? PWEASE?"

Auron: Come back 10 years ago, kid.

Minori: How rude of you.

Auron: I know.

Kokoro: Why IS Seymour so scared of you?

Auron: Because he knnws that one day, I'll kick his sorry ass for almost revealing the truth about my death in the middle of the damn story. I MEAN, LOOK, BECAUSE OF HIM, TIDUS SNIFFED ME.

Kaira: That sounded...way too wrong.

Minori: I guess...that's a good reason?

Aurona: That's a retarded reason.

Auron: YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE?

Aurona: Yea, anytime pun--

Kokoro: ALRIGHT..."Spell Vincent Valentine."

Auron: Make me.

Aurona: (grabs sake jar) WHO WANTS IT?

- Fangirls scream, faint, the usual.. -

Auron: FINE. V-I-N-S-I-N-T-V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E.

Kaira: Not even close.

Minori: And here...we have revealed Auron's stupidity!!!

Aurona: At least he tried. (tosses the jar back. Fangirls do their stuff)

Kokoro: Close enough. "Why don't any of you guys have last names?"

Auron: If you think about it, do we need one?

Kokoro: "I heard that once you were singing a Britney Sprears song and doing the dances and Kimahri caught you doing this. Is this true?"

Auron: I was drun--I MEAN. NO, WHERE HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS NONSENSE?

_Besaid..._

Yuna: Kimahri, is this true?

Kimahri: - silent nod -

_Studio..._

Kokoro: "How DID you climb up Mt. Gagazet half dead?"

Auron: Braska's promise is what kept me going. That's all I need to move on.

Kokoro: I see, I see.."Where did Yunalesca strike you to make you die? And what's with the one eye thing?"

Auron: Where...It's hard to say. I was charging--

Aurona: Like an idiot.

Auron: Like an id--SHUT UP. Anyways, I did so, and then before I knew she kicked me in the crotch, and there we go.

Kaira: You can die from that?

Minori: I'm guessing that's the case.

Auron: And when she did, she knocked the sword out of my hand and the blade came in contact with my eyelid. It's not pleasant.

Kokoro: Ouch..umm.."Have you been called cyclops?"

Auron: Not that I know of.

Aurona: 'Not that you KNOW of.'

Auron: Yes.

Minori: Oh, I think Mirage did that once.

Auron: Say wha--

Kokoro: LAST QUESTION. Oh, speaking of the devil. "What do you think of Mirage?"

Auron: I think she should die. I think she's pathetic. I think she's a whore and slut who needs to stop stalking people and get a life.

_Closet..._

Mirage: Oh wow, I love you too, you retarded Cyclops. (sips on coffee)

_Studio..._

Kokoro: Here...Aur--I mean...uh...you read the next set.

Aurona: Ok then..the next...13...questions...are from 'dark and light samurai'.

Auron: Bring it.

Aurona: First off..."Where'd you get your clothes from? They are so cool!" Cool? I think they're gay.

Auron: They're not gay. And, obivously, there's one place where you can get the awesomest clothes from. EBAY!

Kaira: Of course.

Aurona: Cheapskate. Hmm...What would you think of being transported to Earth and have to become a teacher at a secondary/high school? Which subject would you like to teach and would you like to teach English?

Auron: High school, perhaps. You can whack people and not get fired for it. English... maybe...but I think History suits me more.

Minori: Good point.

Aurona: "Where were you in between getting transported be Sin in Zanarkand up till Luca?"

Auron: I landed in Besaid. Not bad. If I ended up in Calm Lands or something... Anyways, and from there, Mirage found me. Poked me with a stick in fact. Thought I was dead. She told me that she can take me to the "brat", if I helped her with something. She stole my sake too.

Aurona: Uhuh..."What happened to your parents?"

Auron: Don't know. Heard that they were attacked by Sin. Other rumors is that they died protecting my sister from fiends. Sister blamed herself for their death, and therefore committed suicide.

Aurona: I'M NOT THAT PATHETIC.

Auron: What?

Aurona: I mean..uh..."Can I borrow your Katana or Masamune Sword?"

Auron: In your dreams.

Aurona: Faggot. "Do you like scaring Seymour?"

Auron: You know it. Say, if Seymour's watching this, and he probably is... BOO.

_Guadosalem..._

Tromell: Lord Seymour? Where'd he go? I could've sworn he was right here.

Seymour quivers behind Tromell in fear.

Tromell: Milord?

Seymour: SHH. I don't want him to hear me...

_Studio..._

Aurona: "Why are you so much of a pervert in this interview fanfic?"

Auron: Ask Mirage. She's ruined me.

Aurona: "Can I have a date with you?" Ew..

Auron: Sorry. Another day, kid.

Aurona: Player. "Would you be able to turn back to your younger coughsexiercough 25 year old self? Cause other unsent don't seem to age really."

Auron: True. And yea, I would. But in the story, they made my sexier younger self look like a lego.

Kaira: Did he just say 'sexy'?

Kokoro: Haha, legos.

Minori: Legos existed back then?

Aurona: "How'd you learn your cool overdrives?" More like gay.

Auron: Secrets. Some are meant to be kept secret.

Aurona: Answer the question.

Auron: I just did!

Aurona: Screw you. "Why are you being a cameralackey to Mirage? Can't you stand up to her and ignore the sake bribes? Aren't there better things then sake?"

Auron: First of all...Why? She promised to lead me to that retarded crybaby. And she had my sake. Standing up to her, is like throwing away something you love most. And in this case, it's not that retarded crybaby. It's the sake. And no, nothing's better then a beverage that can take your problems away.

Aurona: ...ok...What do you think of your role in the game?

Auron: Better then being a crybaby, a widow, a homosexual maniac, a foolish girl, someone who uses coconut juice for their hair, etc etc. So, I like my role.

Aurona: Last one..."Why did you slightly change your hairstyle from what it was in when you were 25?"

Auron: No clue.

Aurona: Answer it. Now.

Auron: No.

Aurona: NOW.

Auron: Ok fine, my hair was getting in the way. Even Rin told me that he couldn't my eyes.

Aurona: ...Mhmm...Ok, Minori...wait no...GET MIRAGE OUT HERE. NOW.

_Closet..._

Mirage: Oh...shit. Gotta ditch the coffee...and call the freaking insurance company...

_Studio..._

Minori: I'll get her.

Five seconds later, Minori drags Mirage by her ear out to the stage.

Mirage: Minooo...what's your problem? I didn't even dial 800 yet..

Minori: 'Rage, you're taking over.

Mirage: Aww...(sees Auron) Auron.

Auron: Mirage.

Mirage: Fag.

Auron: Whore.

Mirage: Let's get the last of the questions over with then.

Auron: Hmph.

Kokoro: It's like the world just stopped just now.

Kaira: Freaky.

Aurona: This should be entertaining.

Minori: Let's pray that no one get hurt.

Aurona: Like that's going to happen.

Mirage: Next set of questions are from 'Mega Mario'. "Where the heck were you beteween Zanarkand at the beginning of the game and when you joined the party in Luca?"

Auron: I think I have already answered this one. As I said before, I was being a slave for this whore here.

Mirage: Fag.

Auron: Whore.

Mirage: Fag.

Kokoro: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!

Mirage, Auron: Yes, ma'am.

Mirage: "What's with the whole sleeve thing?"

Auron: Already have been answered.

Mirage: Why does Mirage force you to be a cameraman?

Auron: Ask Mirage.

Mirage: I am Mirage, fag. Ok, the reason why...is because Tidus couldn't go, since he had his own story to lead, Yuna couldn't go because she had her own goals, not Lulu because she's cool like that, and not Wakka because his hair would be...kinda visible when we're SPYING and not STALKING people. Kimahri's already devoted to something.Rikku seemed busy too, Seymour...well...yea... Wantz would've been good but he's obsessed with Yuna, O'aka could've been good too, but not with his accent. So, the remaining was Auron.

Auron: Sadly.

Mirage: Next..."Why do you keep zooming in on Lulu's...yea."

Auron: Well...first off...it's out there. Might as well take the chance you have.

Mirage: There's a lot we don't know about this fag.

Auron: HOT fag.

Mirage: Whatever. "If you want sake so bad, why not take a drink from that canteen around your waist. Or is it really not filled with sake as the rumors say?"

Auron: Well...Braska drank the last of it on the previous pilgrimmage..

Mirage: So an empty canteen is so important to you, that you had to work as my slave?

Auron: ...Yea. You need something to hold sake in just in case you come across one one day.

Mirage: Oh, really? Then what is it that you spit out when you perform Shooting Star?

Auron: Water.

Mirage: I see...ok, next..."Why do you drink from the before mentioned canteen right before you preform you Shootng Star overdrive?"

Auron: It helps.

Mirage: "Where did you get that scar over your eye?"

Auron: That bitch, Yunalesca.

Mirage: "One of Lulu's moogles is behind you."

Auron opened his good eye wide, and then passed out. The fangirls shrieked, scream, fainted for the 4th time probably by now.

Mirage: Are her dolls that scary?

Aurona: Seems that way.

Kaira: Auron looks so handsome when he's sleeping like that...

Minori: What now?

Kokoro: Guess we wait.

_Five minutes later..._

Auron: Praise be to Yevon...I'm alive...

Mirage: You mean dead.

Auron: Damn...I wish I was.

Mirage: Sigh, almost done with this. Pull yourself together Auron. 'Aikido-Kasshin-Ryu' asks..."Have you ever got in a bar fight?"

Auron: Yes. Some asshole stole my sake. (glares at Mirage)

Mirage: Ehem...

Auron: And another time during Braska's pilgrimmage was when I was trying to make my own sake from fermented rice in the storage room. And some retard snuck a grape in there. Who wants sake that has a bit of wine in there? And so I beat up that so-called retard, and then the rest of the damn people decided to jump me.

Mirage: Wonder how that's like. From 'memyselfisesshy93', "How come you get the big-ass swords and Tidus doesn't when he's the main character? And I'm not a Tidus fangirl."

Auron: Eh, I tried to give him one. He tried it, he couldn't lift it. Nothing wrong with being a Tidus fangirl, really. It could've been worse.

Mirage: From 'memyselfisesshy93's' brother..."How come when you get in a battle you strip?"

Auron: What? I strip?

Mirage: Uh...yea? And it's pretty damn disturbing when you do so too.

Auron: Nothing wrong with showing your sexy-self, right? Gotta look sexy in front of the fangirls. (takes off one of the sleeves, revealing his 'sexy' arm.)

Fangirls faint, scream, etc etc.

Mirage: Huh...that's the last of it.

Auron: YES!!! I'M FREE!!

Mirage: Now for the phone calls...

Auron: Ahh..Damn.

_Caller 1..._

Mirage: Caller number one, your on...

Tidus: YOU RETARD. WHAT KIND OF MORON NEGLECTS THE MAIN CHARACTER JUST BECAUSE THAT STALKER GIRL BRIBES YOU WITH SAKE? WHAT KIND OF GUARDIAN CALLS THE MAIN CHARACTER A CRYBABY? AND JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T LIFT YOUR SWORD DOESN'T MAKE ME A CRYBABY? I MEAN...WHAT THE HELL? WHAT'S IT MADE OF? BRICKS? WHAT, DO YOU TAKE STERIODS OR SOMETHING? HEY, DON'T IGNORE ME YOU FAG, I'M GLAD THAT RETARD SNUCK A GRAPE IN YOUR SAKE. YOU DESERVED IT. ONE OF THESE DAYS AURON...ONE OF THESE DAYS.

Auron: Crybaby.

Tidus: YOU MAKE ME CRY! (sobs)

_2nd caller..._

Rikku: I have a bone to pick with you, you big meanie!!

Auron: Not again...

Wakka: You on the phone again Rikku? Who you talkin' to?

Rikku: Auron.

Wakka: SIR AURON?!!! Give me the phone.

Rikku: No!

Wakka: Blackmail...

Rikku: Fine, I call the phone after you.

Wakka: Sheesh. Sir Auron?

Auron: ...

Wakka: Umm...Hi?

Auron: Hello to you too, Wakka.

Wakka: (gasp) He said my name!!

Rikku: Alright, hand it over. Thank you, Wakka. Anyways...

Auron: What now?

Rikku: Where was I...oh yes. I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH, AURON!!

Auron: I'm already dead.

Rikku: Oh yea, huh?

Lulu: Rikku, who is that?

Rikku: Auron?

Lulu: Is that so?

Rikku: Yea, the fag who picked you over me.

Lulu: I see. Tell him that I'm flattered, but taken.

Rikku: She's flattered, but taken.

Auron: I heard that.

Rikku: And you called both of us ugly too...we're gonna kill you.

Auron: Can you kill the dead?

Rikku: Yunie can.

Auron: Hmph.

Rikku: We have rotting grapes and pink elephants too!

Auron: ...Shit.

Mirage: Did I just hear, 'pink elephants'?

_Third call..._

Seymour: I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU.

Auron: Oh really.

Seymour: YEA. At least my sexiness pwns yours!!!

Auron: You wanna come over here say that?

Seymour: Right, like I'm going to waste my sexiness to walking over to the studio where that stalker bitch is.

Mirage: Excuse me?

Seymour: And at least I didn't rip my character off Valentine!

Auron: Well at least my clothes aren't RIPPED off.

Mirage: Thank you for calling, hanging up now.

Auron: That was tiring. Being sexy and famous...isn't so easy.

Minori: That was just too long.

Kokoro: Thank you all for reviewing and asking and voting! I hope you do so in the next chapter!

Aurona: Despite the long friggin' holdup. By the way, Auron, I'm your sister,

Auron: What?

Aurona: Nothing.

Auron: Ok.

Kaira: I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for submitting your OCs, votes, etc etc...

Minori: Next up, the little whiner, TIDUS!!!

Kokoro: Speaking of Tidus...

Kaira: Oh my...

Tidus, Rikku, and Lulu storms in with rotten grapes and miniature Play-doh figures of pink elephants.

Rikku: THERE HE IS!!! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!

Auron: ...Run!

Lulu sent a rain of moogles at him.

That was when Auron blacked out. The fangirls do their thing. Amazing how they don't even stop the raging trio from throwing random crap at him.

_When Auron wakes up..._

Mirage: Auron, you smell like rotten grapes.

Auron: UGH...WHAT? WHO THREW GRAPES AT ME?

Rikku: You deserved it. (shrugs)

Tidus: He awake?

Minori: Yea.

Tidus: Oh, in that case...

Aurona: Let ME do that... (grabs pink elephant)

Kaira: WAITWAITWAIT... (waves hands around the elephant, eventually, the elephant catches on fire) Go ahead, Aurona.

Aurona tosses the flaming pink elephant at him. Auron dramatically blocks it, therefore caused the fangirls to faint.

Tidus: Hey, I'm supposed to be doing that.

Aurona: What's stopping you?

Kokoro: Do we get to throw anything?

Kaira: Do we have to?

Minori: Do we care?

Auron: I'm going to kill Mirage...

Mirage: I need to get insurance...

**I'm sorry for the delay...I apologize if this chapter wasn't as good as the other ones. A lot of crap happened, and I hope that you'll still be there for this fanfic. It would mean a lot to me. The next three submitted OCs will be used for Tidus' chapter. Thank you very much to **_**Illusion Sky for Minori, Princess Kaira of Mirana for Kaira, final final frost fantasy for Kokoro, Aurona from goodwitch08. **_**Please don't submit anymore, and I'm sorry if I mess up your OCs. It's hard work. Trust me.**

**Kk, next up, Tidus!!!**

**Review, ask, vote, the usual!!**

**- Retarded 'Rage**


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